We were lucky to catch up with Erica Birkley recently and have shared our conversation below.
Erica, thank you so much for joining us today. Let’s jump right into something we’re really interested in hearing about from you – being the only one in the room. So many of us find ourselves as the only woman in the room, the only immigrant or the only artist in the room, etc. Can you talk to us about how you have learned to be effective and successful in situations where you are the only one in the room like you?
I used to think that I had to wear the tone, posture, and phrases of my supervisors to become what a psychologist is supposed to be. I freaked out one of my first clients who called me a robot. When I started working with veterans they flat out challenged my introduction of “hey ya’ll” as I’m not from the south and were seriously confused the one time I tried red lipstick.
Now I step into a room of mostly armed & male first responders, trauma survivors and expert BS detectors, as Erica. Even on days when my mood is off, I’m “peopled” out, or everyone in the room is new to me, I rest in knowing myself and presenting who I am, flawed human and all. I lead with warmth, my baseline existence, and my genuine desire to connect with others in their places of pain.
I have spent time alongside responders, riding in patrol cars and engines, taking Zofran + kid’s Dramamine without shame, and learning the unique rhythms that guide each Department. When I feel the urge to speak, I listen first. I take a back seat – which has been hard for me to learn as a stubborn first-born raised in accelerated classes & Academia – but essential to navigate the waters of working with mostly men who are used to steering situations and conversation.
I sit down at the firehouse table for dinner. I make real instead of small talk. I like making people laugh and (promise I don’t enjoy it) sitting with them when they cry. I am the woman God made me to be.
Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?
Just a few months ago I stepped away from academic medicine into my own private practice as a police and public safety psychologist. I only work with first responders and their agencies, and travel to fire departments, communication (911 dispatch) centers, and police stations to perform psychological assessments, lead proactive one-on-one annual sessions called wellness visits, aid officers after a shooting or critical incident, and provide training in stress and healthy relationships.
In my former role as an Associate Professor and fulltime trauma clinician, I wasn’t protecting time and energy for my family, friends, church and time with God, and rest and restoration – often found in my garden. I have been in private practice for just a few months and am starting to settle in to a life in slower motion, where I eat breakfast at the table with my family, start at least some mornings with my Savior, and feel okay and even successful at times working way fewer hours at a self-set pace. There are other times that the quiet and the slow moments are anxiety-producing and I feel the urge to do instead of be. I am in detox and every day is a new one to practice a more healthy way to do life.
There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?
Flexibility is key and working for the VA (Veterans Administration Medical Center) was a painful but necessary trial by fire. For someone who prefers control and preparedness, shifting the focus of a therapy session on the fly or taking the lead in hospitalizing a patient who had overdosed was daunting, at first. These trials, where my supervisors intentionally pushed me into the deep end so to speak, turned out to be the best way to prepare me to handle what comes with a deep breath and determination to see it through. Seek out mentors who will push your limits and test your comfort zones, who will demonstrate the level of confidence they have in you by having you handle it without them.
Just start. There are plenty of tasks that are mundane, stupid, purposeless, painful, and just downright yuck. Just start them. Start anywhere, in any order. Just start and the momentum will build. Just start.
Stop and ask yourself, regularly, is this the path I want for myself? As a people-pleasing, achievement-oriented, agreeable, and conflict avoidant woman I would pursue career paths, large and small projects, and commitments that were counter to my values, interests, and wellbeing. A cherished former boss asked me flatly “why are you doing this – it will only take you away from what you love to do?” followed by “they will find another clinician to do this – one who is interested in this line of work” for my “aha” moment to occur. I still sent an overly apologetic email declining a GIANT commitment that would have shackled me to someone else’s dream study for three years at 50% or more of my total time. If I’m honest, I still feel a twinge of guilt for disappointing a valued professor and colleague. It is alright for us to disappoint others when what they want for us is not in line with what we want, and for valid reason.
Okay, so before we go we always love to ask if you are looking for folks to partner or collaborate with?
I am looking to build relationships with other public safety professionals, practice owners, and clinicians, especially those who share a Christian faith. If that’s you, please email me at erica@birkleyconsulting.com
Contact Info:
- Website: birkleyconsulting.com
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/erica-birkley-15627230/
Image Credits
Siska Photography Alex Siska – photographer
