We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Erica Kenechi Adugwo a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Erica Kenechi, thanks so much for taking the time to share your insights and lessons with us today. We’re particularly interested in hearing about how you became such a resilient person. Where do you get your resilience from?
I became a Mindset coach because I want to help women step into their power, take responsibility for their lives, and not even flinch if someone makes them feel less than. If you’re going to build a brand, live a life that you can be proud of, and make big moves, live bigger, be bigger, and be better, then we must dump the apologies in the garbage. And before I could even think about doing any of this, I had to be all in for myself first. I had to learn to put on my big girl pants and be ready to commit to the processes I teach my clients. And most importantly, I had to believe that I could make certain kinds of changes in my life. A lot of women often tell themselves, “I could never make x amount of money”, or “I can never have the kind of style, marriage, or career I want because of XYZ”. So many excuses. A lot of people somehow see me and think that I had it easier because I have the looks, or because I am tall and skinny. But let me tell you something: things were not always rainbows and sunshine for me. I did not have it easy. I wasn’t dealt a good hand early on in life. My cards were terrible! I have gotten to where I am in life because I took the lemons that life handed me and made a nice, tasty, thirst-quenching, lemonade. I didn’t do any of that by whining or complaining. I have gotten to where I am today with a ton of hard work, a relentless mindset coupled with the attitude of a hustler, and the confidence that everyone loves the underdog who made it out of the trenches. I know that this will come as a shock, but my life was not always pretty. What’s interesting is that when I first started writing this article, I didn’t think that people needed to know that. I honestly thought that my readers and potential clients would only want to see me living in this perfect, world I’ve created for myself. But then I realized that if we were really going to connect, and if they were going to trust the process, then I was going to have to step out of my Instagram feed and bare it all. I want people to know that I haven’t always had it all figured out. I was made to feel inadequate and like an outsider, because I didn’t fit the mold in middle school and high school. I wasn’t always comfortable in my body, and I grew up trapped in a household ruled by fear. When it was time to start the life I knew I was meant for, I got knocked down. A lot. I am not sharing these stories because I want anyone to feel bad for me- I don’t even feel sorry for myself. I want people to hear what I have to say so that they can once and for all, get past what they might see as obstacles and turn them into their most powerful weapons. I want them to see that no matter how tough things may have been for me, I found a way to keep going and even more importantly, a way to own whatever messed up circumstances I was born into because that’s the past, and the only role it had to play in my life was fuel for my amazing future.
Growing up, the one thing I remember the most was feeling misunderstood. My parents were incredibly strict, my birth mom especially. She believed that if she could hide me away from the world in her protective bubble, then nothing bad would ever happen to me. As a result, I had to be home at a certain time; and when I eventually did make friends, which was not easy for me, I was barely allowed to see them. I was rarely able to watch TV and not allowed to go to the movies. I never celebrated any holidays. I was told No constantly. Part of this had to do with my mother’s religious beliefs. She was born into a sect- and we were at their gatherings every Sunday- Their thinking was that the world was a dangerous, corrupt place. Even from the time I was little, I could tell that my mom let fear run her life and make her decisions for her. But some of it had to do with the fact that my mother, for as long as I can remember, had been surrounded by illness and death. She saw both of her older brothers die from chronic illnesses. She herself survived a health crisis arising from pneumonia. At one point, shortly after I had graduated from high school, we thought she wasn’t going to make it. We’d been going about our lives when she was admitted to the hospital. The pneumonia came out of nowhere and was a freak occurrence. A few years later, she passed away in China after another health crisis. This time, while she was away on a business trip. When I got older, and especially after having to look after the rest of my siblings, I realized that her protectiveness was all coming from a good place and that she was just trying to protect us the best way she knew how. And seeing her so ill ultimately gave me the powerful perspective that in life, you never know what the next day will bring, and that the next day isn’t even guaranteed. It made me so grateful for my health, which is not a given since I also suffered from several health crises in the past. I overcame them by God’s grace, and this has fueled my drive, resilience, and persistence. I am nowhere near where I want to be in life yet. Having watched my mom fight every day to just live at times is what gives me the strength to be so tough in the face of adversity and setbacks, even when it hurts, and I’ll always be grateful for that.
Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?
My Transformational Coaching is geared towards shifting mindsets for sustainable change. In other words, as a mindset coach, the ultimate purpose of my transformational coaching is to catalyze a shift in specifically ambitious, faith-filled women by helping them reframe their thoughts when they’re going to a negative place. By catalyzing a shift in her mindset, she can accomplish what she is capable of but has not yet achieved, or has not achieved to her fullest potential.
Even though I’ve done significant work on myself, even I sometimes find my thoughts swaying just slightly. Putting certain processes in place or having certain activities I do when I find my mind drifting in a non-productive direction helps bring me back to alignment so that I can continue moving forward in life and business versus spewing and feeling stuck in whatever I think my problems are, and then make it happen. In both personal and professional settings, transitions to new levels, and breakthroughs in our lives must go through a process. Old patterns, old habits of thought, and ways of thinking must be broken. I have broken so many old patterns, patterns of thought, and old habits that I thought I would never be able to break. I can’t even relate to certain aspects or versions of my old self any longer. This is where humility comes in because sometimes we can transform so much that we start to judge people for the very things that we used to do. Humility is very important because it’s not about looking down on one another but understanding that since we’ve all come from certain places with different upbringings and programming, once we can break through those patterns and old programming, we will now have the tools we can share with others who are interested in coming out of those old, negative patterns and habits as well. In so doing, there are 5 main steps I take them through from start to finish.
In summary, I help my clients create a clear picture of what they want to manifest, examine the obstacles blocking them, and create strategies to help them break through, thus bridging the gap from where they are to where they want to be because not only have I crossed the bridge but I have bridged the gaps in my own life as well. I am now able to help these women bridge particular gaps because I bridged them for myself.
I use a self-directed coaching model informed by systems science, psychology, neuroscience, and change principles, augmented by world-class leadership theory and practices. The coaching journey starts with assessing where she is in terms of her skillsets and mindsets. I then look at where she wants to be, that is, her true north in terms of the skills, behavioral changes, mindsets, and performance levels she desires. The gap that exists between these two will be articulated goals that serve as the backbone of her learning journey. Once established, I create a supporting strategy to move her forward and measure her progress in her development plan. From there, coaching asks powerful, solution-focused, often never-asked questions to help her unpack her thinking and examine it, from a new perspective. This inherent clarity- a benefit of new thinking, facilitates powerful new insights. These insights also provide the momentum and the impetus needed to power the action steps that propel her along her path.
The expansion we all seek is not for ourselves alone or superficial purposes, but for capacity-building purposes (that is, to be able to handle more). For example, seeking a bigger home so that she can build and expand a family, or be the person that other people can go to in times of need. If she’s ready to expand in her career or be put on a different platform, it’s because she is ready to touch more people or touch more lives; and handle the responsibility and everything else that comes with that. It’s about movement in one form or another, and trusting the journey of life. Trusting God, and trusting the path especially when it involves making a leap of faith. The breakthrough that occurs in her life will not necessarily come out of nowhere but will be a result of the internal work that’s been done and as a result of the energy that she has built through the process towards something that in Divine timing, will be ready to burst out in a way that to outside onlookers will seem very miraculous.
There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?
The 3 qualities that have been most impactful in my journey are patience, character, and persistence. When someone breaks through in life, most people will call it an overnight success. Why? Because the outside world only sees the most dramatic event rather than all that preceded it. Change can take years before it happens all at once. Mastery requires patience. Continuing on in the process with faith and being resilient. Doing the internal spiritual work, continuing to learn, implementing tools and resources provided by God, resonating with Him, getting to know Him, giving yourself grace when you fall back into old patterns and habits, but getting back into alignment. All the trauma and drama one goes through that they think they will never heal from or are unheard of, the undeserving childhood drama, are all meant to support one’s hopes and dreams.
Tell us what your ideal client would be like?
My ideal client is that woman who is ashamed of things she has perceived to be shortcomings and sees herself as less-than. This woman has had to squeeze herself at work, and in relationships, and may have even begun to think that she is that person. I feel it is my duty to let this woman know, starting with this interview that we are not going to let any “imperfection” define us. Heck no. Because I may not have the right degrees, credentials, titles, or status, but you can bet I have a PhD in life. And right now, at this moment, I want her to know that when it comes to living your truth, you get all the extra credit. By being honest and owning my stuff, I have achieved great things with a less-than-stellar life resume and have inspired other women to feel better about their own deep, dark insecurities. Sharing your whole truth is not about throwing yourself a pity party; it’s about re-labeling the parts of you that society wants to slap its brand on, not caring about what anyone thinks about it, and soaring even higher because you don’t have a bunch of extra baggage weighing you down. I am not sorry for who I am, where I come from, or who I’ve become, and I’m not apologizing for any of it. Neither should you. And you know what that makes us? A couple of women leaders.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.ericakenechi.com
- Instagram: www.instagram.com/erica.k.inc/
- Linkedin: www.linkedin.com/in/erica-k-adugwo-138832229
Image Credits
Peter Photography
