Meet Francelyn Devarie

We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Francelyn Devarie a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.

Francelyn, we’re thrilled to have you sharing your thoughts and lessons with our community. So, for folks who are at a stage in their life or career where they are trying to be more resilient, can you share where you get your resilience from?
Without a doubt from my mother haha. I love that woman to death and when she has a goal in mind nothing will stop her till she achieves it. I love that I get that from her, even through my darkest days I knew I was meant for more. It took me over a decade to get over the pain of the past but I have always been focused on the Life I want for myself.

Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?
I am originally from Puerto Rico but live in Kansas; what can I say I had a great childhood, grew up with lots of love and lots of fun as my mom and bonus dad have big families we always had a party for something or someone lol. I have so many memories with my cousins and friends who I went to school for 10years together that I will cherish for life.

Sadly when I was 9 years old my childhood was interrupted by huge events in my life like meeting my biological father for the first time and the death of one of my cousins. Those events introduced me to depression, anxiety, and anger issues but I didn’t have the words or resources to help me express myself and instead I started acting out. I made some poor decisions as a teenager that caused my mom to feel like marrying me was the right choice at the time. I went with it as I was in love with my boyfriend but of course the marriage didn’t last.

I didn’t want to be back with my parents to I choose to move to the USA to live with my biological father who was a stranger to me. I live with him for 7 years and it was the worst years of my life as he introduced me to all types of abuse. I say he made sure I had a PhD on every kind of abuse so I could help others through my story. I always try to find the positive no matter the situation.

After a painful decade struggling trying to figure things out on my own I was introduced to Podcasts, self development books, and youtube university haha. At first I was interested in networking marketing and how to get better as I say I am an entrepreneur at heart working for a corporation. I got hired at the post office at a young age, I am so grateful for my job but it feels like having golden shackles. I have always been a dreamer and a goalgetter and never let my job stop me from the life I want to live.

The only thing really stopping me was myself and not having control of my mental health. I hated been out of control and people expecting things out of me I knew in my heart I was incapable of doing but didn’t know how to express myself. With the help of the self development world on and off therapy and a mental health evaluation I was able to have more control of my mind and triggers. As I gained confidence in myself and was able to speak about my trauma out loud I choose to start a podcast in hopes my story and the story of others on how they overcame their darkest days can help somebody out there who is feeling like they are on their own.

I am on a mission to help those who struggle with mental health to know you are not alone and all you need is tool and resources to help you get control of your life. I use the podcast, social media as well as creating my own journals bringing in the tools that helped me get to where I am today.

For my Journaling journey all I can say is journaling has been a huge tool in my mental health journey. I love having notebooks with different themes to help me journal on a certain subject. For my first journal published, the inspiration came through a season I was seeking outside validation. I have used the prompts of three things that are important to me (not the to do list but what really matters), something I am grateful for, something I am proud for, something I dream for and something I pray for, for a very long time. This setup helped me bring the attention back to myself and give myself that validation I was seeking elsewhere. I just hope and pray it can help somebody else like it helped me.

You can find my podcast in all mayor podcast platforms as well as my YouTube channel as Life With Francy Podcast.

You can find my journals and cute selections of notebooks at
Lifewithfrancy.com/shop

Thank you for reading my story if you can relate in anyway shape or form I send you the biggest hug.

There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?
For qualities I will say resilience, determination and discernment has helped me get to where I am today. As early as I could remember when I wanted something I went for it. Teenage years and my early twenties were the seasons I learn lessons the hard way and somewhere in there I got tired of the things I was doing to look for the resources I needed to help me ask for help because I knew deep in my heart I couldn’t do it alone. Now that I am in a much better place I would love to teach others what helped me in hopes it will give them ideas on how to create their own roadmap that will help them achieve the Life they dream of.

On the skills category I just can’t talk about journaling it’s truly a life changing tool and I would just recommend to anybody. You can write about your feelings, you can write a letter to yourself or your loved ones or the people who hurt you(you can throw away without them reading it but get those feelings out), you can journal about forgiving somebody or yourself, you can braindump, so many different ways of jorunaling that’s why I love it so much.

If you are on your darkest days or starting that healing journey just give yourself a lot of grace and be kind to yourself til you find the strength or find a way to love yourself. Loving yourself will change your life til then sending you a hug and letting you know you are not alone, you are worthy, you are loved and you are enough.

What do you do when you feel overwhelmed? Any advice or strategies?
Oh man I can talk about this forever. After getting the mental health evaluation and been told I Deal with a lot like depression, anxiety, codependency, bipolar, ptsd, adhd symptoms because of trauma, and anger issues I was able to give myself grace and looks for tools and resources to help me feel more in control of my mind. I call them survival kits and is just a mental health note you save for when you need it the most.

Anxiety

Now that I have the self-awareness I do not put myself in situation that can cause me anxiety but if anxiety comes to visit: I focus on my breathing I try to take as many deep breath til I can calm my nervous system, I get my body moving either by walking or dancing, because of my religious beliefs I will pray or request for my loved ones to pray over my mental health, and seek professional help if I can’t get back to myself on my own or with the help of the family I have created.

For depression I have notice is different and that one is more to feel the feelings without going to deep in them. I have been able to do this because of the help of a therapist this one is really hard to get out of as your feelings feel so real. I noticed too that I would journal more when depression comes to visit deep inside I know my brain is lying to me so having things written on a paper helps me see what’s a fact and what is a feeling. And sometimes just helps me get the feelings out of a person to bless and release.

PTSD nothing helped til I spoke about my trauma outloud with the right person. It so hard to find somebody to feel comfortable to leave all your pain and hurt without feeling judgement but I’m so glad I didn’t give up and is that you don’t give up either. Once I was able to speak on it I have felt free and have focused more on the woman I want to be not the woman I used to be.

On a daily basis depending on the trigger I will just have a system in place for self soothing and just love myself like I wish other people loved me or how I wish my parents have loved me.

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