Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to Gemma Kyle. We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.
Hi Gemma, so happy you were able to devote some time to sharing your thoughts and wisdom with our community. So, we’ve always admired how you have seemingly never let nay-sayers or haters keep you down. Can you talk to us about how to persist despite the negative energy that so often is thrown at folks trying to do something special with their lives?
I grew up in a rather traditional Asian family, which means majority of comments made on my behavior, or achievements was criticism rather than praise.
I understand that their objective as parents was to push me further, to be better, but it did shape me in certain ways in how I respond to any type of feedback.
It makes you vulnerable to criticism. Whether it’s constructive or downright vicious isn’t important. You take it deeply to heart, and you pound yourself with it.
It took me a very long time to learn to filter it. Make no mistake, I’m still a work in progress. I haven’t mastered it.
I’ve read many books, watched hundreds of videos on self-help, self-growth, self-care, you name it. I’ve tried to apply what I learned from those media to my everyday life, and it was a struggle.
But there is one saying that I came across, and I still remind myself of it, every time I feel naked in front of negative people and negative comments. I can’t remember it verbatim, but the message was that being hurt by other people’s opinions about you is like picking up the arrows that they shot but fell short, and stabbing yourself in the heart with them.
I try to remember this whenever I feel discouraged by someone else.
But there is one naysayer who you can’t shake off that way, the biggest, the meanest critic of yours. It’s yourself.
I wanted to act since I was a teenager. Yet, I only started after I turned 40.
Why? Because every time I had a thought, desire that I wanted to act, another side of me scoffed at me, shot me down with the most cruel reasons. ‘You’re not pretty enough for other people to watch your face for hours’ ‘You don’t have any talent for it.’ And since that side was also myself, I was completely convinced with those reasons. Not only convinced, also ashamed for ever having thought about it. With time, to think ‘I want to be an actress’ equaled ‘I want to be a princess’ in my mind. Childish, naïve, purely absurd.
Self-doubt is the hardest enemy to defeat. It’s the evil king at the final stage before completing the game. It took me 20+ years to learn how to get over it. You just do it.
You just do it. Just go for it. There are moments where you feel like those negative inner voices had it right all along. You made a huge fool of yourself by not listening to them. But those moments pass. Eventually you’ll be left with so much more by following your guts.
I once read in one of my many, many self-guidance books, that through teeny, tiny achievements, like you give yourself a small task, and you complete it, you build a sense of self-efficacy, which will in turn become your fuel in competing a bigger task. So, one small step at a time. You go for it.
You focus on that, I promise you that your self-doubt will get quieter. No matter how louder its voice is, it’s just a voice. Voice cannot win action.
Once I realized it, my choice, my life as an actress got so much more clear.
It might take longer than I can ever imagine, I might never make it to my goal. So what? Magic is in my doing. Right now. Despite the slapping negativity either from outside or inside.
I’ve never been so excited about tomorrow. Not for what it may bring, but for what I can make of it.
Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?
I’m an Asian-American actress who started my career rather late in my life, in my 40s, despite having wanted to pursue this road for decades. I make music for film and TV for a living, a career that I’ve been building for the past 20 years.
There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?
I’ve had a quite difficult childhood, from which I still carry some traumas, and I’ve been working on them for the past 8 years. As sad as I am about not having had a better childhood or youth, as an artist, this has become helpful in understanding many facets of life, empathizing with characters. Feeling that my suffering wasn’t for nothing is sometimes a consolation.
What has been your biggest area of growth or improvement in the past 12 months?
It’s essentially in the same thing as my previous answer. My biggest growth has to be my ability in filtering the criticism, whether coming from outside or from myself, and taking what can be helpful for my growth, and discard the rest.
Contact Info:
- Instagram: gemswkl
Image Credits
Joanne Leung Photography
