We recently connected with Ingrid Perez-Esquivel and have shared our conversation below.
Hi Ingrid, we’re so appreciative of you taking the time to share your nuggets of wisdom with our community. One of the topics we think is most important for folks looking to level up their lives is building up their self-confidence and self-esteem. Can you share how you developed your confidence?
I believe there are layers to self confidence and self esteem. Different things happen throughout our lives that give us the choice to grow or wallow and stay stuck. We always have a choice in how we respond to situations. Many, like myself. Who embody confidence Have come from extreme lows and have worked to cultivate the positive confident energy that flows through us in present day. It’s not an over night thing that just happens and awakens inside of you.
I was raised in an abusive household where respecting women was non existent. My household was run by machista (toxic masculine) culture. I wasn’t called by my name. Derogatory terms were used to address me like “pendeja” and I was the bud of every joke, used as a verbal punching bag for the men in my family to abuse. If I defended myself the insults would only get more severe until I ran crying to my room crushed of any self esteem I had built up. I lived this way until I was able to move out for college. But by then the damage had been done & was hardwired into my brain that I wasn’t worth anyone’s while. I was unlovable, unattractive and my body was something that should be hidden away and I should be ashamed of.
I dedicated my 20’s to finding healing for that inner child. After losing my father to heart disease at 20 & my first partner to suicide a year after, I had zero self esteem or confidence in all aspects of my life. My career, my skills, my physical appearance. I was an empty shell. But, I was determined to change my narrative. I’d suffered emotionally for the majority of my life up to that point. I knew my father was gone and I could control how long I let his voice be in my head & how much weight I put on his offensive words.
I dedicated myself to growing a mindfulness practice and began journaling to listen to myself speak. I read so many books on depression but the one that helped me truly tap into my confidence and boost my self esteem was a book by Kristin Neff called “Self Compassion”. It took me listening to it twice to fully grasp the wisdom and practice the exercises while in therapy.
While in therapy we worked on self compassion and practical ways to disrupt my negative distorted thoughts about my body, intelligence & self worth. I had a lot of unlearning to do and I was ready and willing to put in the work. I began to speak to myself in third person and ask myself what I really needed at that moment. If it was a hug, I would wrap my arms around myself and tell myself the emotion and moment would pass.I’d focus on my inhale and exhale finding gratitude for all the things happening in my body to sustain my breathing. Eventually heartbreak and the end of an engagement led me to explore movement through salsa to help me cope with a heart full of sadness. The lively melodies and positive energy in the rooms filled my soul with life. Giving myself permission to move my hips and smile let me release locked up energy and enjoy existing in my body. I started focusing on what it felt like to experience joy in my body rather than what it looked like for other people. I allowed myself to let go and focus on my breathing. To focus on what it felt like to be in my body. The more I focused on tuning in, the easier it was to remain there because I learned to be there for myself and provide support, comfort, and love to whatever part of me needed it most. This is what ultimately continues to build my confidence and self esteem to where it lives today. I know who I am and I celebrate it. I’ve found all the ways I admire myself and speak kindly to myself. When I win and when I make mistakes. Making mistakes and failing is a part of life but it does not define me as a person. The deeper I get into my mindfulness practice the more present I feel with myself and know how to care for my feelings and experiences. That is the goal of life in my opinion. To learn to master your reactions to live a life where love is abundant and you can both give and receive it. When you have confidence in who you are and what you represent, love lives everywhere you are.
Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?
I was raised in KC as an undocumented citizen having come to the US at 18 months old newly potty trained. I’ve had all the aspirations in the world to become someone of influence since I was a young child. I didn’t allow my undocumentedness to stop me from achieving greatness. On the contrary, I used it as a life challenge to push past that gave me a competitive edge in anything I did. It allowed me to think creatively, push past the concept of “No” and not be afraid of rejection. After all, I was undocumented so the majority of things I applied to I was rejected from because I didn’t have a SSN. But, I used that as fuel to challenge myself to find a way to make it happen and prove that I could because I knew I was capable. I developed the level of determination I have now because of it. I am grateful for the lessons it’s taught me. Some of them include, always be humble. You never know who can help you, hearing the word “no” only means you’re still on the search for a “yes” and most importantly. Where there’s a will, there’s a way. I know that I am capable of achieving whatever I put my mind to and focus on.
That determination and drive is what helped me earn my bachelors degree at Kansas State University. I had a whole tribe of people who helped me find scholarships, shared food stamps with my best friend who even harbored me in her apartment on the low because I couldn’t apply to live there given I didn’t have a SSN. It was a struggle to find housing that I could afford alone that also didn’t require a SSN to apply and live in. But I finished. Despite having lost my father to heart disease two months into the fall semester of my junior year. Not only did I finish, but I earned a full time role at a Fortune 500 company after graduating that December of 2014.
Life has since taken me through different paths that have ultimately led me to where I am today. I’ve lived in three different major cities while working for corporate companies and each taught me something new about myself. All of those life lessons have brought me here today with the new goals and career aspirations that I have now. Throughout the last nearly 10 years since graduating college I’ve had to survive the loss of my father and suicide of my first partner alone away from friends and family living so far away. This loneliness pushed me to get mental health support to navigate my feelings and heal the hurt. I read many books, attended heavy therapy sessions and did all the mental exercises to find my healing. The wisdom I’ve gained from that healing has given me a new dream to chase, a new purpose if you will. In the summer of 2022 I decided to make Kansas City home again, leave the corporate world and embark on my own business ventures. I wasn’t sure what it’d look like exactly, but I knew I wasn’t happy in my corporate life and no matter how many teams I’d switch to I wouldn’t be happy. In less than 90 days upon moving back to KC I’d earned a scholarship to be a certified yoga instructor. 6 months later I earned another scholarship to get certified to teach Yoga Sculpt and was hired onto the CorePower team leading students in that movement. I launched my LLC as a Spiritual Life Coach and have been exploring what that looks like for me. I am currently working on developing a 6 week long program focused on cultivating self compassion, embodiment and mindfulness in every day life. My goal is to teach people how to know & love themselves. This is why I know I was put through the situations and experiences I have been in. So I could grow from them and teach others happiness can exist and be cultivated again. We can choose a different path than suffering. We have the control to change the trajectory of our lives, and I want to teach people how to channel that inner power.
I have an ebook out currently called “Live Intentionally; A Guide to Living Thoughtfully in 30 Days” available on my website https://www.awakenwithingrid.com and I recently started a newsletter where I share more about myself, wisdom I’ve gained while in the practice of life and offer mindfulness exercises for people to contemplate. I want spirituality to be accessible for people who need it most. It is something that changed my life for the better and I feel it my mission in life to help others struggle less and find peace sooner. I lived through what I lived through so I could teach others how to move forward so they don’t stay stuck and live the life they deserve. One of love and peace.
You can catch me this fall at pop ups promoting my program, newsletter and mindfulness journals set to launch in October along with a line of body oils I’m currently curating in collaboration with Wildcraft Co., a local soap and skincare company. You can follow me and my adventures on IG at its_ingrid_b where I create content around mindfulness, self compassion and spirituality.
If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?
I believe that being open, curious and humble are the most important qualities one can have when they start anything new. Releasing the ego to believe you have to be somewhere rather than exactly where you are will get you unstuck faster and will allow you to see things through the lens of clarity instead of distorted thought. We live in a society where we feel we have to be perfect all the time and there is no such thing. Failing is a part of life and should not be rejected as if it doesn’t exist. It’s a possibility and when it does happen it is ok. Remain curious to avoid it next time, be open to learning from it because you never know what new opportunities can arise from it. People will remember how you handled the situation and if it was met with love and understanding or anger and bitterness. This will affect the kind of energy you put out into the world and the kind of reality you’re creating for yourself around that dream. Meet as many people as you can, even if it’s not within the realm of your niche. When I was a teenager looking for resources to help me get to college there was not an event I did not go to around higher education or a Hispanic Chamber event I didn’t volunteer for. I wanted people to see my face and know who I was. To get to know me, trust me and know I was serious about my dreams. I practice the same thing now as I reintegrate myself back into my community after being gone for nearly 10 years. I attend several networking events, workshops and introduce myself to people I find interesting. I remain open to learning and leveraging people who have more knowledge and experience than me in fields I’m interested in. I immediately ask to schedule a coffee chat to continue to learn more about them and build a relationship, because you never know who they know or how they can help you or where you can be of service to them.
Okay, so before we go we always love to ask if you are looking for folks to partner or collaborate with?
I am looking to learn more about the coaching space. As I develop my 6 week long program I’m curious to learn what has worked for others, how they structure their work day and workload to manage their programs. One of the things that interests me most is finding an organization to belong to that can help develop my skills in this area and find community to build/scale my online coaching business.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.awakenwithingrid.com/
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/its_ingrid_b/
- Facebook: facebook.com/awaken-with-Ingrid-102750069376581
Image Credits
@kelleyphoto on IG for photo titled “Dancer”
