Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to J. Primous. We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.
J., we are so appreciative of you taking the time to open up about the extremely important, albeit personal, topic of mental health. Can you talk to us about your journey and how you were able to overcome the challenges related to mental issues? For readers, please note this is not medical advice, we are not doctors, you should always consult professionals for advice and that this is merely one person sharing their story and experience.
I believe, like many, I accepted feelings of depression and anxiety as the extent of my mental health issues. Commonly, I attributed my emotional imbalance as the result of being overworked, stressed about bills, single-parenting, and just a way of ‘adulting’ but it wasn’t until I intentionally perused professional help that I came to know the truth about HEALING and how to navigate my personal journey through it all. I had to first learn how seriously I should be taking my mental health into account and then learn the processes that work for me – and choose ME despite all that I was ignorant and ashamed of.
My mental health awareness journey is ongoing and healing is my navigation. I am only overcoming when I am allowing myself to be authentic and open to the truths of my personal experiences in life. I can only persist in the belief that the lifestyle I am creating is purposed and when I remind myself that I am worth my desires and goals regardless of the time, detours, and changes I must make to achieve them.
In light of my discoveries within myself, I have become more passionate about sharing and being a light to others who may be naive to their own mental health challenges and/or who may resonate with any part of my process.
Thanks for sharing that. So, before we get any further into our conversation, can you tell our readers a bit about yourself and what you’re working on?
As an entrepreneur and multidisciplinary artist, I’ve experienced a non-traditional journey toward discovering my gifts, passions, and authentic interests. I am an artist who loves to express by any means creatively. Since childhood, I’ve always been nonconforming and unpopular relatively speaking. Writing, Poetry, Debate Team, Theater, Scrapbooking, Fingerpaints, and photography were found to be gifts I possess yet, college was way too expensive to ‘try it all’ so, like most of us, I settled and majored in Psychology at the prestigious Spelman College in Atlanta, Georgia. Although my family was proud, of all I had accomplished, I decided to study the psyche as a way to appease the societal norm- being a writer or an actress wasn’t deemed as honorable back then as it is now. So, I sacrificed what I loved to do what I thought would make others love me – a direct response to a child being emotionally abandoned and unheard – psychology taught me how to identify those reactions in my behavior as I became an adult and empowered me to be open to experiencing the highs and lows that came in young adulthood with a deeper perspective.
It was on the grounds of Spelman where the Be Empressive brand was conceived- I didn’t know it then, but I can honestly trace my steps back through the purpose and passions that birthed Be Empressive. From launching my nonprofit that is now tenured and still supporting women and their families across the nation, to taking my original stage plays on tour, establishing ‘The Dream Doula Services and even supporting my son to become a published author at age 10, incorporate his own business with checking account and revenue by age 11 …even to the books I’ve published and every speaking engagement and social media posts – to the ones lost in mediocrity it seems that I am ‘all over the place’ when the truth is what is always declared when anyone encounters my gifts: Impressive.
Through it all I battled my own lack of self-worth and struggled with low self-esteem at the hands of – no matter how much I accomplished, society would weigh me down with ‘ok that’s great and all but how are you going to make money to take care of that child?’ My lowest state of mind where I battled the worst of my mental health was trying to work a traditional job and still express my passions seeking to be fulfilled. I accomplished some of my greatest public achievements during the darkest times of my life. There was so much going on and I felt it. I knew I was breaking mentally, emotionally, and physically – a deadly cycle I later learned a term for: ‘ Socially accepted acts of self-hate by Dr. Venus Opal-Reese. A difficult lesson for me was being overly self-sacrificing is not the healthier choice. The year before I left corporate america, I was rushed to the ER four times in less than a year. My blood pressure was through the roof, my weight was all over the place, I wasn’t having regular menstruation, I was losing it all and the scary part was I knew I was losing ME.
Without the need to go into grave details with triggering insights, it wasn’t until I made a choice to choose ME in every situation and to choose ME FIRST that I was able to begin a healthier journey and gain the wisdom and experiences I needed to live out my purpose fulfilled. I didn’t know it at the time, yet ALL that I was experiencing wasn’t just a hard life lesson for me or my child- I now know it was preparation for the NOW, who I have become, and who I am evolving to be. That’s how I can confidently coach my clients through their darkness because I’ve been there; in the darkest corners and I’ve had to do the work with my shadows. I know each client is a reflection of a valley I’ve dwelled in and in those sessions, I am a reflection of possibility for them. Therefore, I use all of my gifts, writing, motivational speaking, books, life coaching, etc. to reach the masses and to truly be a light to those who are struggling with choosing themselves. My brand is a declaration of who I’ve discovered myself to be – an Empress (a woman who is a sovereign ruler of great power and rank, especially one ruling an empire.) and a call to action to those who resonate on my journey to strive to leave a positive impression on the lives of those around you and to always choose to live an Empressive Lifestyle.
Where I am in the present moment is a higher level of discovery – an uncovering in the launch of my seventh book titled “Healing where it Hurts – Conversations about Cleaning the messes of old bandages and being accountable for the scars they left behind”. This book challenges the societal norms surrounding mental, spiritual, and even economic health. I am most proud of this book because it manifested in such a liberating time in my life. Each book is authentically me, yet my past publications were offered with the reader in mind, and while that remains a consideration, for the first time I am writing with the audacity of SELF and what that means through my personal reflections of HEALING. The book is currently on pre-sale and is officially released on December 31, 2023.
In the same exciting energies, I have new collaborations in media outlets and proposals being approved, I am truly living the dreams I feared in my past.
If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?
As a Success Coach (most are comfortable with ‘Life Coach’), I always begin my sessions with the client sharing with me what they believe are their BEST or GREATEST qualities, skills, and talents. There are many who struggle to articulate themselves void of their obligations, so I escort them through various exercises to reconnect with self and I offer a safe space for them to embrace their personal truths. So, in terms of their personal processes, I share 3 quotes that assisted me on my path of alchemy. The following quotes are noted to be originally stated by the Greek Philosopher Socrates yet arguably deemed expressions he encountered – to their own reflection, these 3 quotes are highlighted in my new book and will forever be etched as some of the most important declarations for living a HEALED Life.
- “Know They Self”
2. “The unexamined life is not worth living.”
3. “I am the wisest (wo)man alive, for I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing.”
What’s been one of your main areas of growth this year?
In honor of Mental Health Awareness – 365 days/year, during the past 12 months I have learned that the safest place to BE is in HONESTY. No matter how ugly, hurtful, or undesired it may be. I was never a person who was challenged with being honest, my challenges in honesty were learning how to pair empathy, an inner, under and over-standing of the present while balancing the details of what TRUTHS are present in someone else experiences and how to protect and be protected by my own HONESTY. It took me DECADES to learn that my HONEST experience doesn’t require exposure, nor am I obligated to share. This past calendar year has exposed how much people can be stuck on a TRUTH or a perceived fact and still be dishonest with its impact, influence, and chemical reactions on others. Our sensitivities as a culture and society come from the collective desire to place a bandage on our wounds and cancel those we are audacious enough to get to the tender parts of our challenges. Our pains are so immense that we have accepted violations of our freedoms in speech, yet in my opinion, exposing the ugly truths is the only way we can air them our to find sustainable solutions to benefit the collective.
I am an advocate for therapeutic practices that are effective and liberating because it wasn’t until I was able to be in a safe space that offered therapeutic methods of growth and development that I was able to embrace the truths I experience personally, in society, culturally and interpersonally while still being protected with my own HONEST being. I discovered, that while the TRUTH may be TRIGGERING, HONESTY is HEALING. Beyond our comfort zone, I believe, our liberation as a culture/society will manifest earnestly when we collectively learn to find our strength is in Healing Where It Hurts.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.BeEmpressive.info
- Instagram: @beempressive
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