We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Jasmine Hirt. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Jasmine below.
Hi Jasmine, so excited to have you with us today and we are really interested in hearing your thoughts about how folks can develop their empathy? In our experience, most folks want to be empathic towards others, but in a world where we are often only surrounded by people who are very similar to us, it can sometimes be a challenge to develop empathy for others who might not be as similar to us. Any thoughts or advice?
I have always felt that I can easily empathize with most people. It comes very naturally to me, sometimes to my detriment. Others tend to open up to me about deeply personal issues, even total strangers sometimes (but that might say more about that person than my intune-ness to others’ emotions). I think there are two main conditions in my life for how I developed this skill. First, from my mother, who has always encouraged my siblings and me to operate under the Golden Rule. Have I always perfectly adhered to that rule? Oh, certainly not – but I will justify why shortly. Anytime I would tell her about a problem that I had with a friend, my sister, or someone who was just annoying me, she always told me to put myself in their shoes – try to see it from their point of view before I made my judgements or any rash decisions. Yes, even the bullies… “You never know what someone is going through,” she’d chide at the end of my rants. So now, to an annoying degree, I will give anyone the benefit of the doubt and come up with all of the possible reasons why they behaved the way that they did. Thanks, Mom.
The other condition that I believe fine-tuned my empathy was the casual discrimination I faced as a child. My parents moved us to the deep south when I was 7 years old. That’s when I learned that I was “different” from the other kids. I remember that fact jolting me one day, as a couple peers on my bus called me a slur for a Chinese person. I had never heard the term before and didn’t know what it meant. And I don’t even think I told anyone that I was Chinese as it was never something I thought about. But the sh*tty smirk on their faces and jeering inflection in the word were tell tale signs that I had just been insulted. Immediately it felt like I was placed on the other side of a fence, where they discarded unfamiliar petting zoo animals with darker hair, thinner eyes, and a rich, cultural background with way tastier food than that of the prominent side. A line was drawn that separated me from everyone else, and it made me feel lesser than them. They continued to reduce me to my apparently alien features that I had never even been aware of before they were pointed out to me. I felt insecure and ashamed for those insignificant things that I couldn’t even help. You could chalk it up to kids being kids, but man did that severely affect my self worth for the rest of my life. The othering I experienced was enough to help me intimately understand those who are marginalized, whether because of their race, gender, or simply being misunderstood. It also built up this rage inside me that makes me want to overcompensate for not standing up for myself as a kid, by fiercely protecting those I love or any vulnerable person or creature that I encounter.
Even though the idea of treating a bully the way you would like to be treated totally enrages me, I’m also steered by this kneejerk reaction to immediately wonder what else is going on inside them that is making them behave poorly. I can see past the superficial outer layer that they project, sense their true emotions, and react in a way that helps break down their walls.
Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?
I work for a non-profit performing arts center that brings extremely high-level talent to our community. No performance is randomly selected – we curate our programming to promote music and dance education for youth, expose the community to a variety of musical genres, provide a family-friendly setting for performing arts, and showcase visual art exhibits. As the facility manager, my small part in this mission is to help smoothly and successfully execute each event that we host. Creativity is a huge outlet for me. I’ve been playing moody songs on guitar and piano since I was 11 years old, so this organization makes sense as my day job.
Otherwise, I am a pen and ink (specifically stippling) artist with dark, creepy, and religious influences. I always thought that pen and ink style had an inherently gloomy look, and I suppose that’s what attracted me to it. I enjoy depicting very simple subjects – natural, relatable, accessible – but with painstaking detail to appreciate its intimate features. And sometimes I just think something is cool because it is creepy, and I want to draw it. I’m taking a break from creating new art for the public at the moment, but I still have prints, t-shirts, and various other goodies available for my fellow creeps.
If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?
Effective communication is definitely one of the top skills that has allowed me to have success in many areas of my life. I’ve found that providing more information than is needed can help paint a bigger picture for others, as I know it helps me. Being forthcoming with information or proactively communicating an issue shows leadership and a willingness to collaborate. Communicating fairly and effectively is beneficial in all kinds of relationships, whether familial, romantic, or professional.
Somehow I developed a strong work ethic early on in life. I’ve always been driven to do my best in anything that I do. But with that, I’d had to find a balance of healthy effort and an acceptance of my own limits and boundaries, without becoming discouraged from continuing on.
And lastly, I’ve always operated under the strict rule of never taking myself too seriously. Choosing humility over pride softens a situation for yourself and others involved. If you can show vulnerability to others, they will often feel more comfortable opening themselves to you, allowing for more effective communication and a deeper, meaningful connection that ultimately leads to problem-solving.
What do you do when you feel overwhelmed? Any advice or strategies?
How I handle anxiety of course depends on the situation. I’m not easily overwhelmed, so if something is causing me intense stress, then I know it is something I need to face head on. My first step is just that – recognize that I am overwhelmed and that I have a problem to solve. I might avoid the task, but I try not to avoid the feelings. After that, I naturally begin turning the situation over and over in my head, laying out all the details, and analyzing my reactions. Admittedly, I probably do this to an obsessive degree. I don’t know if it’s healthy. But it works for me. Once I’ve considered all of the factors, I move toward solutions. Even if those solutions are temporary ways to relieve my anxiety. This all happens very quickly, by the way. I do break up the incessant psychoanalyzing with exercise, reading, playing with my pets – anything that will bring me joy and ground me. But ultimately I end up coming to the conclusion that whatever I am overwhelmed about is either 1) not that serious or worth losing sleep over, 2) an opportunity for growth and practice in perseverance, 3) going to work out in the end, whether my way or another. What really helps break that cycle of overwhelming anxiety is the letting go of control. When you have no expectations about how a situation should play out, there is no fear of the outcome. There is this verse that has always stuck with me: “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?” It’s kind of funny and a little sassy – I mean nobody is out here actively trying to worry themselves into a few extra hours of life, obviously. But it’s also profoundly suggesting that the short time we have in life is precious, and if we spend that time worrying over trivial things and taking ourselves too seriously, we just need to remember that we are not getting that time back.
Contact Info:
- Instagram: jasminehirt_illustrations
