We were lucky to catch up with Jenna Valente recently and have shared our conversation below.
Jenna, thanks so much for taking the time to share your insights and lessons with us today. We’re particularly interested in hearing about how you became such a resilient person. Where do you get your resilience from?
The timing of this question makes me smile because I recently had a conversation with my family where I asked them each to describe me using one word. The word that came up for my brother was resilient. Up until this point, I’m not sure I had spent much time thinking about my own resiliency. The way I’ve navigated life so far is, if I’m alive, I keep going – and if I keep going, then I’m going to make the most out of any situation I’m in.
I believe that we are souls embodied and every single one of us is here to learn lessons that are unique to our own personal growth and developmental needs. This is why I feel that comparing ourselves to others is harmful and counterproductive.
Going through challenging times has made me stronger, smarter, and better equipped to navigate life. Although I believe we are all here to learn our own set of lessons, a great deal of my resiliency is rooted in love and connection with others. There is something really empowering about opening up and feeling seen by someone else, as well as offering space for others to feel deeply and unconditionally loved. I find being a resilient person is easier when I’m surrounded by people who are supportive and want to see me happy, healthy, and thriving. No matter what we’ve been through, there are others out there who can relate, and those connections are crucial to turning pain into progress and hurt into healing.
To offer more context to my personal resilience journey, I think some of it comes from growing up in a military family where, during my formative years, we were moving every three years. Because of this, in some ways, I feel like I was raised to be a chameleon who can fit in anywhere and with anyone. Those years could be described as, “be resilient on the fly and learn to fit in with everyone or be bullied and sit alone at lunch or on the playground.” Having experienced both intense acceptance and exclusion by peers at such a young age taught me that giving and receiving love and acceptance are the keys to living a happy life.
With that said, the pursuit of a happy life has led me through some dark places. From the age of 9 to 24, I felt deeply alone and lost because of unaddressed traumas layering on top of each other. I was living a heavy life without a proper skillset to tend to, make sense of, and lighten my mental and emotional load. Because of this, I started having severe panic attacks as a child and learned to live with them in silence for 15 years before seeking professional help.
When I was nine, I was sexually assaulted by a doctor. This is something that I’ve recently (meaning within the last year) started opening up about, beginning with my therapist, and then close friends who had the energetic and emotional capacity to listen. I will not go into detail about what happened during this interview but I want people to know they’re not alone, and if something like this happened or happens to you, it. is. not. your. fault. and there are people out there who can offer you professional help and support.
I also had two near-death experiences within a year and a half of each other. When I was 18, just a month into my freshman year of college in Boston, a car ran a red light and hit me while I was walking across the street, everything happened so fast but I recall a voice saying clearly, “you need to jump right now or you’re going to die,” so I jumped, and then everything went black. I woke up on the pavement, in a pool of my own blood, with people all around me. At the time I was in shock and couldn’t feel the extent of my injuries. To be honest, the first thought that crossed my mind was that I wanted to get up and yell at the driver for hitting me with their car. It was only when I tried to speak to the person hovering over me that I realized something was seriously wrong.
My lower jaw was completely shattered so severely that when my parents reached the emergency room, they made direct eye contact with me and kept looking around searching for their daughter, and when the doctor brought them to my side I could see their hearts breaking, that’s when I knew it must have been really bad. Seeing them in pain was, honestly, more painful than anything I was experiencing at the time (which was the most physical pain I’ve ever been in) but, I guess that’s the interesting thing about emotional and physical pain, they are different from each other, and both are terrible.
I didn’t look at myself in the mirror for weeks after the accident because I didn’t want the image that broke my parents seared in my mind. It took two eight-hour facial reconstructive surgeries to piece me back together with plates, screws, and a couple of false teeth. I’m grateful for modern medicine and the maxillofacial surgery teams at Mass General and Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center because the doctors did beautiful work. At this point, most people would never know I had a facial injury of that severity. The only remnants are a slightly droopy lower lip, a couple of scars on my neck, and I can’t feel my chin, but, hey, I’m alive!
The physical healing process from the accident took four years in total with a total of 14 weeks of having my mouth wired shut and eating an all-liquid diet. During the recovery, I would travel from Orono, Maine, because I transferred schools following the accident, to Boston for appointments about once a month – a four-hour trip each way. A year and a half into my recovery, I was returning from said appointments and hit a patch of black ice on the highway. My Ford Explorer did a 180 and rolled several times down an embankment. Again, it all happened so fast but this time I fully accepted I was going to die.
I thought maybe somehow I cheated death when I got hit by the car and this was some strange, Final Destination-style way of making things right. When the car stopped rolling, it settled on its roof, and as I dangled there, I thought about how my seatbelt saved my life. The very seatbelt I wasn’t wearing a mere five minutes earlier until, again, an inner voice said, “The temperature is dropping, you might want to put your seatbelt on.”
Facing my mortality at such a young age changed everything. It put a lot of things into perspective but at the same time, I was struggling to process these experiences in a healthy way. Instead, I leaned into a sex, drugs, and rock and roll style lifestyle under the guise of “having fun”, which was a coping mechanism masked perfectly through the lens of being a normal college student having a normal college partying experience. What I was doing, and hindsight is 20/20, was creating an environment where, if I was having “fun” all the time and numbing my anxiety, depression, and PTSD, then I didn’t need to face it.
My lifestyle during that time, paired with the people-pleasing behavior I had learned from wanting to fit in everywhere I went landed me in an abusive relationship during my senior year of college, it started as emotional abuse and came to a head when he physically assaulted me.
I’m feeling called to share in this level of detail during this interview because there was a long period of time when my unaddressed and compounding trauma was in the driver’s seat of my life. If we’re highlighting resilience stories, I think there needs to be an emphasis on the imperfection, missteps, and messiness that come along with it. We’re all just figuring it out as we go along and hopefully my sharing can help someone else realize they don’t have to do this alone. They can say enough is enough and start taking steps, no matter how large or small, to regain control of their precious lives.
Deep down, I always had a feeling I was made for something more, something bigger, and that, within me, I contained so much warm, softhearted love. I just needed to find a place to channel it, and that place, first, needed to begin with unconditionally loving myself. I needed to face myself head-on and acknowledge the parts of me that had been screaming for attention and validation for years. It was with the support of a trauma therapist, allowing myself to create art without expectations, and also seeing a reiki practitioner, that I was able to find sturdy ground again. It takes work. It takes commitment. It takes consistency. But I believe I saved my life by choosing to put myself first from now on.
My early life was intense and filled with a lifetime’s worth of lessons in resilience. Having the gift of time and the support of my family, friends, and loved ones allowed me to dive deep into those dark moments and places while feeling safe that I would be able to come back out of them to a place of love and light. I feel powerful now and excited for the future. The future that I get to create.
As painful as some of those moments were, they’re also some of the most important experiences I’ve had in my life. They shaped me into who I am now, someone who is overflowing with love, joy, and compassion, someone who is strong enough to say no, set boundaries, and walk away from unhealthy situations, and someone who is a fierce advocate for who and what she believes in.
I’m grateful for this opportunity to pause and think back on what I’ve overcome along my journey. It has not been an easy life but it has been a beautiful one, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.
Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?
We live in a system designed to isolate us from each other and mute our individuality, effectively stripping us of our power. In a world fraught with external pressures and expectations, it is imperative to nurture a deep sense of self-worth and inner strength.
I believe self-love, self-empowerment, and meaningful connections to community and nature are the foundation stones upon which personal growth and resilience are built. Our worthiness is not contingent upon external validation but is an inherent birthright.
Through the practice of acknowledging one’s intrinsic value, embracing both strengths and vulnerabilities, and treating oneself with the same compassion and kindness we readily extend to others, art is born, and progress is made.
I am a multi-talented artist, advocate, community builder, and storyteller who utilizes my skills to uplift, celebrate, and support others. I am based in Maine, but I love traveling so I’m available for collaborations worldwide.
As an experiential learner, I feel like I’m constantly exploring my varying interests and trying new things. For now, my main focuses are:
Healthy Ocean Coalition:
Growing up, I didn’t even realize I could work in the conservation space, but I’ve always felt deeply connected to nature. It is my first choice for inspiration, healing, health, and fun. Over time it became increasingly apparent to me that Earth is the one and only home we have as humans – and what a gift it is to be born in a place that provides everything we could possibly need to survive. Not only that, but it’s unbelievably beautiful! We literally live in a moving art piece and it breaks my heart that so many of us have become so numb and blind to it because the socially constructed system we live in has trained us to believe we are not only separate from the ecosystem we live in but also dominant over it. We’ve been brainwashed to believe that profit and consumption take priority over stewardship and sustainability. We are consuming our way into our own demise.
My call to readers is to take a moment just to observe your surroundings. Spend some time outdoors looking at how the clouds float by, feeling the air on your skin, and listening to the bugs or birds. Infinite storylines and awe-inspiring moments are playing out around us at all times. Additionally, consider this, we live on an ocean planet and water is life. The ocean covers 70% of Earth, that’s the same percentage of water that makes up the human body.
Despite the ocean being critical to human health and wellbeing, it is shouldering the weight of the climate crisis, suffering from biodiversity loss, and feeling the impacts of corporate exploitations and inequitable policies. To date, the ocean has protected us from the worst impacts of climate change. From the beginning of industrialization until today, the ocean has absorbed more than 90 percent of the heat from human-caused global warming and about one-third of carbon emissions. But we are now seeing the devastating effects of that heat and carbon dioxide on the planet, wildlife, and people.
Climate impacts also exacerbate inequitable social conditions. Low-income communities, people of color, Indigenous people, those living with disabilities, the elderly, infants, and women – all are more susceptible to risks posed by climate impacts like raging storms and floods, increasing frequency of wildfires, severe heat, poor air quality, access to food and water, and disappearing shorelines. The evidence is clear—the ocean is in turmoil and we need to act now. This is an effort that needs all of us. That is what the Healthy Ocean Coalition is here for.
Conserving and caring for the ocean requires a broad, diverse coalition of voices working for its protection. This is what we do. We foster space for advocates to connect, grow, support each other, and collaborate to advance ocean conservation and environmental justice. I’ve served as the Director of Advocacy for the Healthy Ocean Coalition since 2015 and am so incredibly proud of the work we do.
Our organization exists to remove barriers that keep people from becoming ocean advocates. We do this by providing relevant and timely information, building capacity to speak out for the ocean, offering skills training, and highlighting opportunities to engage with policymakers. Our mission is to build and maintain a community of ocean lovers working together to advance ocean conservation action and policy that centers the ocean and people. We amplify the work and voices of our community members loud enough for those in power to hear and, together, we advocate for effective, immediate, and systematic change.
Learn more about the Healthy Ocean Coalition here: https://www.healthyoceancoalition.org/
Photography:
Portraits hold a special place in my heart. They are my favorite photos to make because no portrait session is ever the same – just like people – and am endlessly fascinated by that. With so many people on the planet, we are led to believe that we are not interesting or unique and that simply is not true. You are the only you that there ever has been, is, or will be, and that’s amazing!
My number one priority with portrait sessions is to foster a safe atmosphere for collaborative creativity to meld and flourish, ultimately resulting in images where whomever I’m working with’s authentic self – or what they are striving to convey – shines bright.
From editorial to fine art and creative collaborations to weddings, concerts, landscapes, and more, I have more than a decade of photography experience to offer. Photography has become my favorite creative outlet because it’s a way for me to show versus tell people how I experience the world. It’s my way of offering a view of the world through my eyes.
Explore my portfolio here: https://www.jennavalente.com/photography
Poetry:
My love affair with writing all began in 1997 at a Scholastic Book Fair in Vancouver, Washington when I became the proud owner of my first diary, I mean, journal. Being a writer was not an option for me. The moment I had the tools at eight years old, the words started flowing out of me and haven’t stopped since. Well, except for those moments of agony known as creative droughts. We won’t dwell on those times, though. Droughts are just as necessary as flow states, designed for refilling the creative cup until it spills over once again.
At some point, journaling morphed into poetry, I think, because I like the creative challenge of expressing complex emotions, relations, and experiences in as few words as possible. The beautiful thing about doing a small act of creativity every day for an extended period, like writing a poem, is that one day you’ll look back and realize you have an entire body of work to explore and share if you so choose. This is how I ended up with enough poems for two books, the first of which was released March 08, actually!
The book is called Young Love or Something Like It and is relatable to anyone who has ever been young and in love (or something like it). It is a poetic ride that spans over a decade of peaks and pitfalls of my experience searching for love in all the wrong but feel oh-so-right places. From the ages of 19 to 29, I blazed through the world with a young mind and open heart, resulting in a euphoric disaster filled with sweetness and shame, joy, and pain. Fortunately for readers, I wrote it all down and came out on the other side haggard, grateful, and rewarded with the greatest lesson of all, the understanding that we must first love ourselves before we can ever love anyone else. It’s available for purchase on Amazon.
Now that Young Love or Something Like It is alive in the world, I will now begin working on my second book.
Sea Change Podcast:
Born from experiencing how much good and progress exists in the world – particularly the world of conservation – and noticing a major lack of coverage in the mainstream media, I picked up a microphone and got to work.
Since 2018, I’ve been using podcasting as a platform to shine a light on the most interesting and inspiring people living, working, and recreating along the shorelines (and everywhere in between).
Typically, new episodes are released on the second Friday of every month. My goal is to explore the profound connections between humans and the natural world and delve into the transformative power of supportive communities. But I’ll note that in December of 2023, the network that hosted and produced the Sea Change Podcast, the American Shoreline Podcast Network (ASPN), abruptly and unexpectedly shut down and ceased production of shows. I pour my heart and soul into these shows and intend to continue making them; however, I am taking some time to reimagine how I can make the most out of this platform after fledging the ASPN nest. If you have ideas, would like to collaborate, or pick the show up, or help produce it, please reach out to me.
Explore the show archive here: https://www.jennavalente.com/podcast
Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?
I think the most important thing in the world is to never lose sight of or mute your inner child. Maintaining a healthy dose of curiosity and imagination throughout your journey will be the exact thing that sets you apart from everyone else as you get older and makes you interesting. Don’t be afraid to try new things, and not only try but don’t be afraid to look silly or not be great at it right away. Be cringey, make mistakes, it’s perfectly normal to fall on your face, what sets resilient people apart is that they keep getting back up.
The next thing is empathy. You never know what people are going through, and I think allowing ourselves to be soft, flexible, and understanding in a world that seeks to harden us is a superpower. And when I say soft, I don’t mean in a way where you allow people to walk over you but rather standing up for love in the face of a society structured to reward aggressive, individualistic, and isolating behavior. We get farther together; we are stronger together.
The final thing I’ll offer is consistency. We get better by doing. Whether it’s a skill or a relationship, the key to success is showing up. When it comes to community building and advocacy like we do through the Healthy Ocean Coalition, or even friendships and romantic relationships, consistently being there for people and communities builds and maintains relationships and trust. When it comes to skills like photography or poetry, the repetition helps you fine tune your craft, and maybe not every day is a winner or your best work or your best self, but you’re building something and making progress all the same.
Before we go, any advice you can share with people who are feeling overwhelmed?
Switch gears, whether that’s slowing down and taking a break or offering myself a different sensory experience, what I do when I’m overwhelmed depends on what my body is telling me I need. For example, if I’m attending or hosting a work event where I feel like I need to be on top of my game and socializing for most of the day for several days in a row, I will make sure to prioritize moments throughout the day where I can find quiet in order to recharge, even if it’s only for a few minutes.
Maintaining a regular exercise routine is important to me. I was a three-sport athlete growing up, playing soccer and softball and running indoor track, so I find a lot of solace in physical activity. Exercising in the morning helps set me up for success for the rest of the day because, if everything else goes off the rails during the day, at least I am able to do something healthy for myself first thing. I enjoy a balance of high-intensity interval training classes and deep stretching and strengthening through yoga, both allow me to release emotions that are prone to overwhelm me like stress, anger, anxiety, and sadness in a way that’s healthy and productive.
Sometimes if I feel stuck on what to say or write, I will take a long walk with my dog, read a chapter of a book, text a friend, fold laundry, really do anything that gets me into my body and out of my head. It’s like changing my energetic channels for a moment and it works wonders for recharging or allowing inspiration to come through.
If I’m going through something that’s overwhelming, opening up to a friend or my therapist (depending on what it is), is helpful. There are times when just saying something out loud lightens the load or hearing myself say something out loud brings clarity. Opening up to people is also a great way to bond and build relationships as long as they are open to listening.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.jennavalente.com
- Instagram: www.instagram.com/jennavalente
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/OceanCoalition
- Linkedin: www.linkedin.com/in/jenna-valente-94151a58/
- Twitter: https://twitter.com/HealthyOceanCo
- Other: https://www.jennavalente.com/poetry
Image Credits
All photos are self-portraits or courtesy of Healthy Ocean Coalition except the photo of Jenna and her father Peter on the boat, credit for that goes to Spike Smigelski.
