We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Jill Payne a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Jill, thanks so much for taking the time to share your insights and lessons with us today. We’re particularly interested in hearing about how you became such a resilient person. Where do you get your resilience from?
From a young age, my resilience to withstand and recover quickly from life’s challenges became evident. Growing up in a family of six in D.C., as the only girl and third-born, I learned the importance of sharing and understanding that things don’t always go my way. Additionally, having a brother with paranoid schizophrenia exposed me to the imperfections of life and the difficulties it can present. My parents set remarkable examples of giving back to the community; my mother was involved in charities, supporting various causes, while my father, an ophthalmologist, helped the less fortunate during my formative years. These experiences taught me the value of a greater good and the realization that there are people facing more significant hardships than my own.
Naturally, I had my share of ups and downs. After college, I courageously moved to a new city, working as a recreational therapist, with the dream of eventually starting my own business. However, I went through several career changes as nothing seemed to align perfectly with my passions.
Throughout my journey, I got married, supported my husband through Law School in Virginia, and had a son. Unfortunately, the marriage didn’t last, and we eventually divorced when our son was four. Despite the challenges, I managed to put myself through a master’s program, working three jobs while also being actively involved in my son’s life. He was incredibly understanding and even attended some of my classes, reflecting the strong bond we share.
During my son’s college years, I faced a horrific car accident that left me with serious injuries, including dented vertebrae and herniated discs. The recovery process was grueling, but I persevered, as I had to continue working to support myself financially. It took two years, but I eventually regained my strength and resilience.
Perhaps that’s why my friend playfully calls me the “energizer bunny.” No matter what life throws at me, I bounce back with unwavering determination and a positive outlook. Being a single mother for 24 years has shaped me into a strong and tenacious individual, always ready to overcome any obstacle that comes my way.
Great, so let’s take a few minutes and cover your story. What should folks know about you and what you do?
My specialty lies in understanding and nurturing relationships, and I possess a unique gift for perceiving people for who they truly are, understanding their desires and needs, and assisting them in achieving their goals. I firmly believe that “everything is relational,” even the way we interact with inanimate objects, like our chairs – if uncomfortable, it can influence our actions and decisions.
One of my proudest achievements is the development of an innovative communication process called Bempathy®. Through this, I have introduced three delightful cartoon characters: Beacon, Brighten, and Bow. These charismatic figures lead people on fictional journeys within my Bempathy® books, making the process of learning communication and social skills enjoyable and relatable.
Each character in my Bempathy® concept embodies a distinct personality type. Beacon, with his illuminating presence, represents the leader; Brighten, with her starry-eyed enthusiasm, embodies the follower; and Bow, the cute dog with a pink bow, serves as the compromiser who harmonizes and brings clarity to situations.
The Bempathy® concept revolves around six fundamental elements, aptly named the 6 C’s. These elements are easy to integrate into one’s life, leading to substantial improvements in relationships and social situations.
Through Bempathy®, I aim to foster meaningful connections and enhance the way people interact with one another, ultimately creating a more empathetic and harmonious world.
My book Bempathy® Looking thru Children’s Eye to Simplify Communication is available now on Amazon.
Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?
Three qualities have profoundly influenced my journey: my master’s degree in psychology, my inquisitive nature, and my unwavering determination, combined with my boundless love and faith in people.
1. Leveraging My Master’s Degree in Psychology: Equipped with a master’s degree in psychology, I have gained valuable insights into the human mind and behavior. This knowledge has been instrumental in my personal growth and in positively impacting the lives of others.
2. Cultivating an Inquisitive Nature: My inquisitive nature has been a driving force behind my continuous quest for knowledge and understanding. I approach life with an insatiable curiosity, always seeking to learn from experiences and the people I encounter. Embracing a Resolute “Won’t Quit” Attitude: In the face of challenges and obstacles, I embody an unyielding determination. My “won’t quit” attitude has enabled me to persevere through tough times, pushing me to overcome adversity and emerge stronger on the other side.
3. Nurturing Love and Faith in People: At the core of my being lies a profound love and unwavering faith in humanity. This deep-seated belief in the inherent goodness of people drives my desire to support and uplift others, fostering meaningful connections and making a positive impact in their lives.
By combining these qualities, I have crafted a path of growth, understanding, and compassion, enriching not only my own life but also the lives of those around me.
My advice to those embarking on the early stages of their life journey:
1. Prioritize Thoughtful Decision-Making: Take time to consider the potential consequences before acting. Each decision we make has a ripple effect on our environment and relationships. Understanding this power empowers us to make more mindful and responsible choices.
2. Embrace a Patient and Thoughtful Approach: In the hustle and bustle of life, remember the value of a steady and deliberate pace. Rushing through situations can cloud our judgment, whereas slowing down grants us clarity and reveals the best path forward.
3. Navigate Divorces with Sensitivity and Empathy: For those facing divorces, especially when children are involved, it is essential to approach the process with sensitivity and care. Shield the children from unnecessary distress, and instead, create an environment of love and support to help them through this challenging phase.
4. Embrace Imperfections with Kindness: Embrace the truth that perfection is an unattainable goal for anyone. It’s essential to be gentle with ourselves and others, recognizing that we all have flaws and shortcomings. By embracing imperfections, we open ourselves to greater compassion and understanding.
Life is a journey filled with lessons and opportunities for growth. By integrating these principles into your early experiences, you can cultivate a more fulfilling and harmonious path ahead.
How would you describe your ideal client?
My ideal clients are naturally drawn to me because they share a common desire to enhance their lives. They possess a solution-focused mindset and firmly believe in the possibility of turning their dreams into reality, seeking only a little guidance to do so. These individuals approach therapy with an open and receptive attitude, understanding that it is a collaborative journey towards growth and self-improvement. Together, we work hand in hand, empowering them to achieve their goals and create a brighter future.
Contact Info:
- Website: jillrobinpayne.com
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- Twitter: @Jillrobinpayne
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