We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Johnny Hornig. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Johnny below.
Johnny, so great to have you with us and we want to jump right into a really important question. In recent years, it’s become so clear that we’re living through a time where so many folks are lacking self-confidence and self-esteem. So, we’d love to hear about your journey and how you developed your self-confidence and self-esteem.
I like so many folks in our society have their “stories” that shape us. I made the choice to allow parts of my story to inform me of who I am verse define me with various labels. My life includes being a survivor of many trauma related events. They began at birth when I was born with a cleft lip and palette, a hernia, undescended testicle, and my eyes sealed. Throughout the span of my 55 years on earth I’ve had well over a dozen reparative surgeries. Most of these occurred durning my childhood and adolescence. I learned early on I was “different” while other kids had their summers free to play more often than not I was recovering from a purposely timed corrective procedure. Growing up in the suburbs of New York most of my friends were Italian and Irish with two family homes. I was half Jewish on my dad’s side and I lived with my single mom. Simply more affirmation I was not the same. As I got into my teenage years I learned how to self medicate with copious amounts of drugs. This lead me down a dark, lonely, dangerous path. Until at the age of 19 I was sexually assaulted by two drug dealers in the South Bronx, NY. That secret remained dormant & practically forgotten for years. How could any man share this type of experience. In addition, I believed it was my own fault for putting myself in this situation. My self hate was so much stronger than any level of self care. When I turned 21 I was on my way to becoming a father for the first time. That was until my daughter died the same day she was born at full term. A year later I was married and had another child. He too was born with a cleft lip and palette which required surgical interventions. The guilt swallowed me whole and continued to spit me out as I sat in each waited room throughout his childhood. Many years later I eventually came out of the closet to embrace my sexuality. Due to poor sense of self I eventually fell in love and married the monster of my dreams. I stayed with my ex-husband as a means to continue the narrative I was worthless. He used my love as a weapon to destroy any ounce of self-esteem. He reinforced my fragile state of mind through manipulative influence, as most abusers do. I believed I could fix the situation if I was a better husband and he would love me. Instead close to ten years I endured undercurrents of mental, sexual, emotional, financial, and at times physical abuse. I begged God to help me hit my bottom. After years of intense psychotherapy I broke free and slowly became my own person. However, sweeping 40 years of traumatic events under the rug finally caught up to me. In 2017 at age 48 my brain function literally shattered. I had what some would call a psychotic break which lead me to trying to end my life. Fortunately I physically survived but mentally I felt broken. I remember thinking of my son and even my daughter in Heaven. I believe I was put on this earth to make a difference. Her death would not be in vein and his life would not be lived without me by his side. I found the courage to make the choice to live instead of simply existing. I built a therapeutic team to assist me on my road of recovery. I had five various specialists holding me accountable, propping me up, educating me, co-creating an environment which afforded me the support and trust in myself and others for the first time ever. Seven years later I’m still recovering. I do have a smaller team now because I finally have more of me. I’ve taken up the carpeting, swept out the clutter, and laid a new foundation. I continue to do the “work” it takes to stand tall with an open heart and curious mind. I can honestly say I fell in love with me.
Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?
Professionally I’ve been a Licensed Clinical Social Worker over 25 years in the public sector and private practice. At age 47 I decided to expand my direction of supporting others by following my passion for the culinary arts. I enrolled and graduated from a year long certified chef’s program at the leading plant based culinary school in NYC. I worked in a few restaurants upon graduation which offered another full level of education. Eventually I married the two professions and began working as a private chef. I offered individuals the opportunity to either cook with me or have food delivered. I helped educate my customers on the importance of healthy eat as well a processed their issues around food shame. I currently cohost a podcast that focuses on supporting body positive imagery. I also am the author of a blog which focuses on my personal processing playground. In addition, I’ve begun writing a book sharing my personal and professional experiences surrounding trauma. The premise is to help other men to given themselves permission to address their own trauma in the safety of their own voice.
There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?
In my experience asking for help is the greatest gift you can give yourself. There is no right or wrong way to seek support. Post pandemic social media has become a tremendous source of supportive outlets. In addition, trust in your family and friends to at least be by your side to take the first steps. I also have found avoiding placing labels on yourself or journey. If you’re experiencing mental health challenges this does not mean you’re “crazy”. It’s a solid sign that you are a self aware human. It takes courage to ask for help once you realize life has given you a bit more than you can handle. There is no timetable to pressure yourself. Take small bites as you recover your inner strength. You can also educate yourself through books, podcasts, online video, and with professionals in person or on the web. Please try not to “should” on yourself or others. Saying, “ I should do this” or “they should do that” brings with it a whole lot of undeserved judgement. Empower yourself by reframing the “should” with “could”. Finally remember you are enough and worthy of healing. It’s your birthright to own your happiness. You don’t have to rent it or give it away. No one and no thing can take your power.
What is the number one obstacle or challenge you are currently facing and what are you doing to try to resolve or overcome this challenge?
Even after eight years into my healing journey I’m still faced with triggers that bring up old wounds. The key for me is to recognize them as soon as possible. I then give myself permission to explore what brought them up. I’ll begin an inner dialogue with those parts of me that activated. I provide myself the comfort in the knowledge it’s 2024 and I’m more than that person I used to be. I’m stronger, more self aware, and most importantly more healed. At times I struggle with these challenges alone so I’ll immediately reach out to my established support system. I can also bring this issue up in my next therapy appointment. I have the option to journal or even hop on an online support chat I’m a member of. The key is to limit the self judgement as I’m on my recovery road. It’s taken me a lifetime to get where I am today that doesn’t mean I’m going to undo my issues overnight. I remind myself I am enough. I deserve to treat myself with kindness.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.itsmorethanprettywords.wordpress.com
- Instagram: @therealjohnnybear69
- Other: Belly Talk podcast on Spotify or Apple Podcasts
Image Credits
@melissarobinphoto @coach.cub
