Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to Kandace Cain Rather . We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.
Kandace , so great to have you sharing your thoughts and wisdom with our readers and so let’s jump right into one of our favorite topics – empathy. We think a lack of empathy is at the heart of so many issues the world is struggling with and so our hope is to contribute to an environment that fosters the development of empathy. Along those lines, we’d love to hear your thoughts around where your empathy comes from?
Growing up in the 70’s and discovering I was the only one in my 3rd grade class with parents who were divorcing was my first introduction to feeling “different.” Not only were my parents divorcing, but I soon found out that other kids were not allowed to come over to my house, and definitely not to spend the night. By the time I hit high school, I appreciated that drugs, sex, and alcohol numbed the pain of having a very unpredictable home. Being sexually abused and feeling frozen in fear often as a child also took a severe toll on my growing mind and little body.
My sophomore year in high school I became pregnant and placed my baby boy for adoption. Though I truly believed it was an act of love, the judgment my heart encountered in our small town sent me further into coping behaviors that numbed my internal pain. By this time, I had no doubt that I was bad and there was something very wrong with who I was.
In contrast, I was someone others came to talk to when they were struggling. Without knowing what empathy was, I had developed empathy as I experienced genuine kindness from a few individuals who loved me through some of my darkest days. I know these “angels” by name, and to this day remember how my body felt in their presence.
My story of pain and struggle throughout childhood led me to what I do today in working with those suffering from the effects of childhood trauma, grief, and loss. Though I received a formal education to do what I do, I know being a person of empathy is just who I am.
Let’s take a small detour – maybe you can share a bit about yourself before we dive back into some of the other questions we had for you?
I am an author, trauma-informed coach, and podcaster. My work primarily focuses on healing from childhood trauma, with a special emphasis on inner child work using several different therapeutic modalities.
I recently wrote a memoir titled “With You Now: A Invitation to Heal Your Inner Child. In addition to writing, I co-host the podcast Processing Trauma Out Loud. In each episode my co-host and I discuss our personal healing journeys, offering insights on trauma recovery, emotional regulation, and the hope that it’s never too late to heal.
I also love facilitating story groups where women find safety in being known, seen, and cared for in the particularities of their stories of trauma, grief, and loss. Whether it’s working with a client one-on-one, or in small groups, I wake up each morning deeply grateful for what I get to do.
You can learn more about me through my personal website kandacerather.com
If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?
1- Cultivating resilience through taking good risks and seeing it as a learning opportunity no matter the outcome.
2-Being trained as a civil and domestic mediator in order to help others with communication and healthy conflict skills.
3-Scheduling in play each week as a means to rest, recover, and enjoy the beauty of nature.
My advice is to keep your heart and mind open to always listen and learn from those who have gone before you. Understand that you, at times, have areas in your life that others see more clearly than you. Find a few people who can mirror the truth to you in love and genuine kindness. Spend your energy on quality connections, not necessarily quantity. And know that each sunrise is a re-do and a chance to create the life you deeply desire to have.
Who has been most helpful in helping you overcome challenges or build and develop the essential skills, qualities or knowledge you needed to be successful?
Though my father has passed, he has been most helpful in keeping me on the path of growth and success. Witnessing my father overcome his own struggles and challenges inspired me to keep working through mine. In 2018, I had the honor of being his caregiver after he was diagnosed with an aggressive cancer. My time taking care of my dad at the end of his life changed my life profoundly. It’s why I volunteer each week at a hospice home in our community today.
Contact Info:
- Website: kandacerather.com
- Other: kandacerather@gmail.com
