We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Katie Bonarrigo a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Hi Katie, thank you for being such a positive, uplifting person. We’ve noticed that so many of the successful folks we’ve had the good fortune of connecting with have high levels of optimism and so we’d love to hear about your optimism and where you think it comes from.
I have always been an optimistic, glass half-full person. My therapist once told me if you’re going to spend time considering the worst case scenario, it’s only fair to spend the same amount of time considering the best case scenario, because both have equal probability of coming to fruition. On top of that, I am a firm believer that the energy you project (positive or negative) comes back to you – so I always try to remain positive and optimistic, even in the face of adversity, as I believe doing so will ultimately help me find the lesson or silver lining in any scenario.
Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?
I help burnt out, overwhelmed women reclaim their energy and ease through nervous system regulation. The most fulfilling part of my job is empowering women to view their lives in a liberated way, so that they can make choices that make them happy, instead of worrying about making everyone around them happy. We’re doing away with the idea that pleasure must be paid for, in advance, with the performance of duty and embracing rest without guilt. I am launching my first women’s group program in January and spots are limited, so definitely keep an eye out for updates!
If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?
I think 3 qualities that have had a huge impact on my journey have been maintaining a beginner’s mindset, acknowledging that hard things are good for me, and treating rejection as feedback, not failure. First and foremost, no one is perfect or can do everything “perfectly”. Even the smartest, wealthiest, most successful people you can think of have encountered challenges and failed to some extent. There is no such thing as success without hard work and rejection. We’re all so focused on making our lives easier or more comfortable, but the reality is, it’s the adversity we encounter along the way that makes us stronger, smarter, and more capable. We’re all inevitably going to make mistakes, and the good news is, these mistakes don’t define us. As long as we keep moving forward and taking action toward our long-term goals, the rest will fall into place. I think a few ways to build our capacity for rejection is to actively seek it out – there’s a fun experiment with a where a sociologist walks around his neighborhood asking everyone he sees for $100. Almost no one says yes, and that’s exactly the point – hearing no over and over again helps build your capacity for rejection. In terms of embracing discomfort, I think we have to stop looking for “hacks” or the easy way out. The things that matter in life are hard to build – a career with purpose, deep meaningful relationships, a healthy, fit body – these things aren’t supposed to be easy, otherwise everyone would have them. The only way to get these things is to embrace the hard. You can do this by taking a cold shower or doing a cold plunge, delay checking your phone in the morning, refrain from drinking alcohol in social situations – all of these build your ability to delay gratification and your tolerance for discomfort.
Any advice for folks feeling overwhelmed?
As a full-time employee and self-employed business owner, I am all too familiar with overwhelm. I think the first step is to develop an awareness of the signals your body is sending you, so start by paying attention to YOUR unique signs – maybe you start getting irritable and snap at your partner, or maybe you start get really hard on yourself and end up in a shame spiral – whatever it is, this is your cue that you need to regulate your nervous system. To do this, engage in any activity (can be 5 minutes or less) that gets you breathing deeply – some examples include breathwork, cold plunge, or progressive muscle relaxation. Once you’re in a regulated state, I recommend brain dumping everything that’s on your mind, no matter how small. From there, start to prioritize what really matters – a key piece here is that prioritizing doesn’t mean just listing in order of importance, it means taking things off the list entirely that you don’t have the capacity for. Where can you adjust your expectations and embrace “good enough”? Can you be a C+ cook? Can your house meet the minimum bar for cleanliness? Can you be a decent employee, but not a superstar one? A lot of stress and overwhelm come from immense pressure we put on ourselves (which usually makes it worse!), so can you recognize and acknowledge the role you’re playing in your own overwhelm, and practice some self-compassion?
Contact Info:
- Website: www.shiftwellnesscollective.com
- Instagram: @shiftwithkatie
Image Credits
Shan Benson!
