We were lucky to catch up with Katie Miller recently and have shared our conversation below.
Hi Katie, we’re so appreciative of you taking the time to share your nuggets of wisdom with our community. One of the topics we think is most important for folks looking to level up their lives is building up their self-confidence and self-esteem. Can you share how you developed your confidence?
If you had asked me as a teenager or younger adult, I’d have never described myself as confident. Even if I felt knowledgeable about certain topics or skills, I was hesitant to verbalize that or put myself on display. While I think age and general life experience has naturally helped me, there’s also been some specific efforts on my part to present more confidently.
I’ve had to learn to take risks and offer up my thoughts and ideas. I used to be pre-occupied with the idea of always having the “right” answer or the perfect thing to say, at work and even in personal relationships. In my day job as a School Counselor, collaboration is huge in order to get almost anything done. I realized to just sit back in a team meeting and not say anything because of the fear of saying the “wrong” thing actually comes off looking like I’m not contributing at all. I realized that for me, that feels worse than being part of the conversation. I’ve also realized that connection is huge, at work and in life. I want people to know me and in order to do that, I need to put myself out there. That doesn’t have to mean sharing every thought or intimate detail of my life, but it does mean being confident enough to be myself.
It’s important to admit when you don’t know something. It’s part of being authentic as a person and a professional. As a School Counselor and as a Wedding Officiant (my other job), no two scenarios, students, couples, or weddings are exactly the same. Sure, experience does build a lot of confidence, but at the same time, questions might always come up that I don’t immediately have the answers to. It’s better to admit that I need to gather some more information, and then ultimately give a good answer, rather than un-confidently giving an incorrect but quick answer. I would have thought admitting I don’t know something would hurt my confidence, but it’s done the opposite. Being honest, and human, has made me more confident as a person, rather than focusing on just delivering information.
And despite everything I just said, there’s absolutely a time to “fake it til you make it.” When I first starting officiating weddings, I was very nervous! I felt I had as much knowledge and training as possible to do the job, but it was still nerve-wracking. However, I knew an obviously nervous officiant would not have instilled a lot of confidence in the couples or their guests, and could honestly impact everyone’s perception and memory of the big day. I know how special and momentous weddings are, and knew that was a time to act with confidence. With every wedding I’ve officiated, that confidence has grown more genuine. But I think knowing which situations call for humble honesty versus which ones call for a confident exterior, even if it’s forced, has made a huge difference for me.
Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?
By day I work with high school students, counseling them about academic or personal matters, often with a focus on planning for their future. I also do a lot of behind the scenes work that is ultimately to the benefit of students or our school as a whole. I love helping people, and love the opportunity to do so in a position that balances direct assistance with more indirect, bigger-picture planning.
My love of working with and getting to know people also lends itself perfectly to my other role as a wedding officiant. I’m honored to have been hired by Keri Klein to help represent her business, Flower City Nuptials. I’ve learned so much since taking the leap to pursue this line of work! You can learn more about the company here: https://www.flowercitynuptials.com/
I love getting to know couples and hearing their unique love story, and then working diligently behind the scenes to create a custom wedding ceremony that brings their story and personalities to life. And then it all culminates with sharing the final product and formalizing their marriage on their wedding day. (Public speaking – talk about needing some confidence!)
If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?
1. Communication! This is the biggest one and I think it encompasses a lot. Being intentional about how I communicate with people, and making sure I really know my audience, has helped me in every area of my life. Think about your audience is my biggest advice. How I talk to my friends, family, co-workers, wedding guests – it’s all different. I am the same person and do my best to be authentic no matter who I am talking to, but my words, delivery, level of directness, etc. all changes, sometimes even subtly, in each of these settings. I think a lot of people do this naturally, but being aware of it and kind of owning it has only helped me.
2. Balance. Know how much you can take on, and learn to set boundaries. This takes some trial and error. One of the first years as a wedding officiant, I did a lot of weddings! I enjoyed it and got a lot of experience quickly, but I also learned about myself that there is a limit to how many I should take on at once. I want to keep doing it, and I want to deliver a quality experience to each couple I work with, and in order to do that, I can only stretch myself so thin, while balancing the rest of my life too. Sometimes we don’t have control over how much is on our plate, but in the areas where we do have some power, use it! I try very very hard not to take my day job home with me. Even though I love it, I know I deserve a mental break from it too.
3. Reach out for help. I by nature am independent in a lot of ways. Once I know how to do something, I tend to just want to take it and run and do it by myself. But there will always be people who have more experience, or who are looking at something from a totally different perspective that I need to consider. Let people help you, personally and professionally. I am still working on this myself but have seen how true it is.
What’s been one of your main areas of growth this year?
Confidence! Even though I talked about my confidence journey over time, I think I’ve seen a big jump in it just in the past 12 months for sure. Part of this is being in a job that has allowed me to take on more responsibility and let me voice be heard. But a lot has been intentional on my part too, to really look inward at the areas I wanted to grow in, and then working on it. Sounds simple but I know it’s way easier said than done!
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.flowercitynuptials.com/
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/katherine-katie-miller-28586124/
Image Credits
https://www.nspstudio.com/
