Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to Kayla Gonzalez. We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.
Hi Kayla, appreciate you sitting with us today to share your wisdom with our readers. So, let’s start with resilience – where do you get your resilience from?
To me resilience is the consistent act of choosing yourself. It’s choosing to not only show up everyday and work towards your goals, but doing so with accountability and with a constant effort to find the joy even when challenges arise. With those characteristics in mind I believe that I “get” my resilience from the people I surround myself with, especially my parents, and my life experiences. My parents are my role models, they are both middle children who wanted to carve their own paths and make their life one that was fulfilling to them, even if it was outside of the status quo in their families. My dad owning his own business and eventually making his way through corporate rankings without a college education and my mom moving far away from home to seek her own adventure, while being the most selfless person I have ever come across. Their resilience, work ethic and independent nature is inspiring and continues to be a large influence on both my older brother and I to this day.
For an example of the people who helped raise me, just recently, my mom fell while visiting me in New York. A very random and scary accident, that landed her with extensive injuries, extensive surgeries, and a 10 day stay in the hospital. Even though by the time she left to return home she could barely walk, she made a goal to perform in a mile long parade with her Senior Pom Group, The Vegas Golden Gals, that was 3 months away. She worked tirelessly not only physically, but also mentally, learning to trust her body again… and she did it. She made a choice, and she wouldn’t take no for an answer. My parents have always inspired me to be more resilient, to show up everyday and work towards something that feels fulfilling even if that something is just learning to find a positive moment in the day.
My first true test to be “resilient” happened when I was newly 13 years old. At the end of 2013 I was diagnosed with Alopecia Totalis an autoimmune disease where my white blood cells attacked my hair follicles, causing me to loose all of my hair. In my case it was all gone in three months time. This is not an easy experience for anyone, but especially as an insecure, pre-pubescent, 8th grader who struggled look at herself in a mirror pre diagnosis. During the three months where I was first going bald, I felt the desire to hide behind wigs, behind doors, and behind experimental treatments that would hopefully one day give me back the beauty standard that is hair. My loved ones and passion to dance were my main supports, providing me with love and care when I didn’t have the capacity to provide it to myself. My family in particular meeting me where I was mentally everyday, while resiliently fighting for answers, different treatments, slowly taking the steps with me to feel okay being seen. They helped enforce the act of choice, do you sink down when life gets tough or do you stand tall, look at yourself in eye, and choose to make a life you love deeply, even if you cant control everything that crosses your path. With their and my communities care, I was able to start choosing myself.
While what I was going through was terrifying, it was more terrifying to think of a life that wasn’t filled to the brim with adventure, love, laughter, and joy. It wasn’t easy to show up to my first day of high school without hair, I was the girl that looked much different than others, and consistently got confused stares and rude comments as I walked through hallways, but I still showed up everyday. Choosing yourself and choosing resilience doesn’t always feel like the “easy choice” and you don’t always feel the instant gratification of it. Resilience is like potting a plant, watering it, making sure it gets love and sunshine, its the effort of taking care of something because you know undoubtedly know one day it will bloom.
I have carried these efforts with me for the last ten years, actively choosing myself, molding a life that I love, trusting that my path will support those choices I make daily. I have had my hair grow back and lost it all multiple times over, experienced other health issues mostly triggered by trying to treat my Alopecia, but I also chose to pursue a career in dance, became a first generation college graduate, moved to New York City, and found myself in with multiple jobs that all align with my purpose. Learning, growing, and shifting with laughter, resilience, choosing myself, choosing joy, and not letting anyone or anything be an excuse for me to not live a life that I could have only dreamed of, surrounded by people who do the same.
I don’t necessarily “get” my resilience from any certain person or certain experience. I am grateful to experience challenges that help build my story and my character, and be influenced by inspiring people, my family and friends are the definition of love and dedication,… but I get my resilience from me. I am the only one who can make myself show up and fight for a goal or shift my mindset; at the end of the day I am the most consistent part of my life, just like you are the most consistent part of yours. With that, when it feels impossible to be resilient that day or that moment I find myself thinking of the different versions of me. The younger version of myself who just wanted to believe one day she would believe she was beautiful or the older version of myself who will consistently dance professionally and look out in the audience and see her family and friends cheering her on, and every version in between.
Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?
I am honored to say that I do a lot of different things. I am a freelance dancer, choreographer, pilates instructor, and competition administrator for Adrenaline Dance Convention. My main passion is dance, I knew from a young age that I would always want it in my life. I feel most alive moving, in class, creating, and on stage. I am currently training at different studios in the city and working on different projects, performance and choreographically, as they come. I teach Pilates in the Upper West Side, mainly private clients and some group classes. I grew to love Pilates at a young age when I was diagnosed with scoliosis. Having a pilates practice has helped my spine move safely while both dancing and living. I got the opportunity to work towards my certification while attending Wayne State University, our dance program had a highly integrated pilates program which was a true gift. I taught quite a bit in Detroit, and when I moved to the city I was able to work my second day there. I also work for Adrenaline Dance Convention, which is an event I attended as a kid growing up. The environment created was very special and integral to my life. It was of the first places I started to not doubt myself as a dancer and later on I received a college scholarship to attend Wayne State, which is a college experience I will forever hold close to my heart. I knew that I always wanted to circle back to the company after graduating. I love seeing the “behind the scenes” of how things work, and I had a specific desire to see the behind the scenes of this company because of the influence they had on me. I am grateful to say that I am on my second season touring to over twenty US cities, working as a competition administrator. I get to see young artists grow throughout the season, take classes, and work alongside some of the best dance educators and humans that I have met. I have always had a dream of being an entrepreneur, have the freedom of building my own schedule, understanding structures and seeing how to make them better, leading, connecting with people, helping them, traveling, and ultimately dancing. These three hats that I wear allow me to fulfill those desires. It is a busy life, but it’s a full one.
I am currently creating a new solo for a performance on June 14th. It has been lovely to get into a creation space. I am also currently revamping my website kaylagonzalez.com this will house any further updates and where to find me.
There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?
A few things come to mind when thinking about skills and qualities that were impactful in my journey. Three of them that come to mind are as followed.
1. The power of saying yes.
I feel like the fullest life is the life that has the most experience, the more you are in space getting to navigate different people, situations, structures, etc the more you learn and therefore the more you grow. I am so grateful for the amount of opportunities that I have said yes to, even if they didn’t feel like the most interesting thing at the time. The more I say yes, the more I grow as a human. You never know what path your life may follow and the more you can say yes the more opportunities you create for that path.
2. The 5-5-5 rule
When a situation arises (personal, relationship, work) ask yourself will this matter in 5 days? Will it matter in 5 months? Will it matter in 5 years? And then proceed with navigating it. If it is an issue that will still be on your mind in 5 years it is probably worth finding a solution. If it won’t really matter in 5 days, is it really worth your energy focusing on it. I believe that choosing where to put your energy and effort is quintessential and not that you should just forgive or forget everything that happens in your life… but what can you let go of? And if you cannot let it go then you need to have further communication or find a solution. If you made the choice to not find a solution or communicate then you have to be okay with what was left unsaid, and move forward. We only have so much energy and we need to put it into ourselves and the people we care about versus spending it on people or things that won’t matter in 5 in years time.
3. The act of celebrating.
Every day we get is a gift, even the hard ones. I love practicing the act of celebration. Celebrating can be different to everyone, to me its noting the moments I am I grateful for, a moment that made me smile that day, or a moment that reminds me how lovely it is to be a twenty-three year old. It is taking a mental picture of the group gathering, trying my best to remember everyones laughs around the table, finding a series of stretches or some type of movement at the end of the day because I have a healthy body that can. Its having a nice glass of wine as I dance around my studio apartment just because it’s mine and it has been my dream for as long as I can remember to have a home that feels like my adult home. I find that we can often, myself included, get in ruts of negativity where life gets hard and days are long… but even then its another day. A day where you can have the door held open for you or feel the sun shine on your face or eat a new meal or hear a story that reminds you how beautiful humanity is. The more we can not only celebrate ourselves, but celebrate life the more appreciation we get to gain… and appreciation is everything. At the end of the day we never remember how difficult the day or moment was, but rather the in-between moments of joy.
I think the basis of these three skills surround the idea of choosing yourself and choosing where/ who you put your energy into. Perspective is everything and we all carry the responsibility to make our lives something we love.
Looking back over the past 12 months or so, what do you think has been your biggest area of improvement or growth?
I think my biggest area of growth has been choosing to be more unbashful. I sometimes find myself feeling timid, especially around new people. I have now been fully post-grad for almost two years and in that time I have moved to a new city, met so many new people, and started my career. These types of shifts normally bring out my shy side, not for any other reason than wanting to feel grounded before investing my energy and trust in new relationships. Maybe because it takes time to get to know people and maybe because I was self conscious of how I would be perceive. About a year ago I read the quote “embarrassment in a choice” I am not quite sure of its origin, but I do know that it has made a large impact. I can easily get into my head about interactions with people throughout the day and choose to be embarrassed, or I can let it go and move forward. With that type of mindset I have found myself being more unbashfully me. I don’t stop myself from doing anything because it could be embarrassing or getting into my head about a misstep I made in a class, instead I remind myself that I am human, laugh, and move forward. This shift has been liberating. I find that I am even more joyous and trusting of myself and my impulses then I have ever been. I have also found that I have deepened my friendships and made new ones, finding my community in adulthood. Self growth looks different in every era of life, but challenging myself to just be me without judgement has been a lovely experience, and I know will continue to lead me down a path that allows me to feel whole.
Contact Info:
- Website: kaylagonzalez.com
- Instagram: kaylagdance
Image Credits
1. Erika Ruch 2. Matt Aylward 4. Madison Foster 8. Varner Creative at Kinespirit
