Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to LYNDA MARTIN. We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.
LYNDA, so great to be with you and I think a lot of folks are going to benefit from hearing your story and lessons and wisdom. Imposter Syndrome is something that we know how words to describe, but it’s something that has held people back forever and so we’re really interested to hear about your story and how you overcame imposter syndrome.
As therapists, our careers and identities become so intertwined that turning it off is hard, and it’s even harder for others to see us as complete individuals. This blurring of boundaries often leaves many of us feeling like we can never be enough, unable to fully relax or just turn off. This sentiment frequently leads to burnout and the daunting question, “What the heck am I doing this for?” It’s certainly not for the income, which barely covers our mounting student loans, nor for recognition or societal value. Many of us are drawn to therapy because, at some point, we encountered significant life events that made us question everything, leaving us feeling unsafe in our own bodies and distrustful of the world around us. We felt like we didn’t belong anywhere, undergoing experiences that shifted our perspective on the world and its inhabitants. Most of us sought out answers to make sense of overwhelming feelings, diving into books, expensive graduate programs, and any training offering a semblance of relief.
But how does this lead to imposter syndrome?
Often, we are walking, unhealed people asked to heal others, leading us to believe we can offer what we ourselves are missing, insecure about, or afraid of. I always tell my interns that whatever they haven’t processed will inevitably show up in their therapy room, usually sooner rather than later. This underscores the importance of attending to our own therapy to work through our issues.
However, what happens when we’re placed on a double-edged pedestal, where clients look to us for answers and guidance through their trauma, but we are still on our own journey? How can we show up for clients when we’re still working through our issues? We begin to believe that we need to work harder, slipping into survival mode disguised as self-help, self-care, or professional development. Unfortunately, our field often rewards this cycle, reinforcing the idea that more training or another certificate will solve everything. This approach not only deprives our clients of choice but also deludes us into thinking we can outsmart our emotions. When this fails, we don’t question the system; instead, we internalize the feeling of being an imposter, distancing ourselves from our authentic selves and perpetuating the cycle until burnout leads us to consider leaving the field. This is concerning, given that more than half of all therapists are contemplating exiting the profession within five years.
Personal Impact
On a personal level, many therapists maintain a “secret identity” to avoid uncomfortable conversations that inevitably arise upon revealing our profession. From hearing unsolicited trauma stories to being grilled on pop-psychology or politics, the expectation for us to engage in these discussions without consent is taxing. Although I’m open to discussing various topics, the lack of consent before diving into controversial conversations is challenging. As a white, straight-passing woman, I acknowledge my privilege in being able to avoid certain discussions, a luxury not afforded to many of my colleagues.
Struggling to be our full selves in both personal and professional settings naturally leads to questions of identity and worth, amplifying feelings of imposter syndrome.
Overcoming Imposter Syndrome
The key for me has been to tune into the critical voice inside that doubts my abilities, to understand what it’s really trying to protect me from. This introspection offers me choice: the option to say no to a client, admit when I don’t know something, or embrace my multifaceted identity, whether as a therapist or a semi-pro pickleball player cheering on my partner. Choice and authenticity have been my anchors, allowing me to strive for and increasingly reach a place of authenticity and compassion for myself when I fall short.
These principles have been the most effective in diminishing my imposter syndrome, offering a path towards genuine self-acceptance and professional fulfillment.
Great, so let’s take a few minutes and cover your story. What should folks know about you and what you do?
I’ve officially been a therapist for ten years, but in many ways, I’ve been playing the role since I was five years old. It’s been a journey to discover my purpose and balance in this field, learning not to solely identify as a therapist or as the repository for everyone’s pain. This realization didn’t come easily, but it has paved the way for a fulfilling career and life.
The past year has been particularly challenging, marked by a painful betrayal, stringent state regulations, and the all-too-common gatekeeping in our profession—all amidst the usual chaos of life. What was once envisioned as a partnership suddenly became my sole responsibility. I found myself in the position of not just managing, but actively working to ensure my therapists’ caseloads were sufficient for their licensing and graduation requirements. This meant diving into realms far beyond my initial training: marketing, payroll, multi-state tax navigation, and the enigmatic world of SEO—a term I never thought I’d need to understand, let alone care about.
Now, my role extends far beyond therapy and supervision. I’ve become an impromptu accountant, benefits administrator, marketing novice, writer, blogger, and social media manager. Essentially, I’m juggling all the elements of running a business, a venture into the unknown with no guarantee of success. Yet, my drive is fueled by a vision for my daughters. I want them to see their mom building something meaningful, something that makes a difference, even if modestly. I aim to show them that pursuing a passion requires dedication and hard work, and that failure, should it occur, is not a defeat but a stepping stone through which we navigate and learn.
There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?
Reflecting on my journey, three core elements stand out as fundamentally impactful: compassion, trust-building, and embracing the healing process.
1. Compassion: Cultivating compassion towards oneself and others has been a cornerstone of my growth. It’s the lens through which I’ve learned to view challenges and setbacks, not as insurmountable obstacles, but as opportunities for deepening understanding and empathy.
Advice for Development: Practice self-compassion daily. Recognize that setbacks are part of the human experience, not reflections of your worth. Extend this understanding to others, fostering an environment where empathy guides interactions.
2. Trust-Building: Learning to trust others, despite the risk of disappointment, has been a skill of immense value. It has taught me the importance of vulnerability and the strength it can bring to relationships.
Advice for Improvement: Start small. Place trust in others with minor things, gradually increasing as you build confidence in your judgment. Understand that disappointment is not a failure of your trust but a part of the process of learning about others and setting healthy boundaries.
3. Embracing the Healing Process: Acknowledging that healing is often painful and accepting the discomfort as part of growth have been vital. It’s a journey that involves confronting grief and uncertainty but leads to genuine authenticity and deeper connections.
Advice for Growth: Prepare for the healing journey by setting realistic expectations. Recognize that discomfort is a sign of progress, not a setback. Seek support when needed, and remember, there’s no shame in asking for help. Healing is not linear; it’s a path filled with ups and downs, each offering valuable lessons.
Tell us what your ideal client would be like?
As an awkward introvert with a passion for unraveling people’s stories, I find a unique connection with individuals who, like me, sometimes feel out of place. My ideal clients are those who haven’t quite found where they belong—the self-proclaimed “weirdos” who treasure authenticity and yearn for a space to be their true selves.
My clients often approach therapy with skepticism, carrying the weight of challenging childhoods that have armored them with resilience and caution. Despite their success and outward achievements, they grapple with trust issues and a deep-seated fear of genuine vulnerability. The idea of letting someone see their unfiltered selves, of truly opening up, seems daunting. Yet, they possess a remarkable capacity for love and humor, often masked behind a façade of independence and self-sufficiency. They are the ones who believe they can manage everything alone, guarding their emotions while caring deeply for those closest to them.
At Attached, we specialize in exploring attachment styles, making it an ideal place for anyone looking to understand how they interact with the world and how the world responds to them. My ideal clients are those curious about uncovering and transforming their relational dynamics, ready to bridge the gap between their feelings and their most cherished relationships.
Contact Info:
- Website: attachedny.com
- Instagram: attached.therapy.ny
- Other: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5Uk97deHSXcbb2XjCvmLl5?si=50f1fa64e9a44f1e
Image Credits
Ryan Martin LensaAI (rainbow hair pic)
