We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Paige Smith a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Paige, we are so appreciative of you taking the time to open up about the extremely important, albeit personal, topic of mental health. Can you talk to us about your journey and how you were able to overcome the challenges related to mental issues? For readers, please note this is not medical advice, we are not doctors, you should always consult professionals for advice and that this is merely one person sharing their story and experience.
I’m always grateful to be interviewed and I’m always happy to put my thoughts and my experiences on record, but I freely admit, I’ve been dragging my feet on this one. Usually the interview questions center more about accomplishments and the step by step record of how those accomplishments were met. In past interviews, I always felt comfortable with an autobiographical style of telling my story, as sort of a testimony of my existence to be sent aloft into the cloud forever, like a record of my presence in this crowded world. However, I’ve found this particular interview to be more daunting, because it deals with very real issues that tell a different story; the struggles within and how they’ve shaped the messy and authentic side of what makes me who I am. I’ve found myself in a position of intense vulnerability and I’ve been reluctant to dive into it but I’m also somewhat excited to give it a chance and to see what I can dig out of the deep places I don’t often talk about. Maybe sharing these thoughts with the few people who will actually read this article will bring me closer to all of those who have the same challenges and issues.
I suffer from something a doctor described to me as ‘Generalized Anxiety Disorder,’ otherwise known as ‘Persistent Anxiety Disorder.’ It’s described as a persistent feeling of anxiety or dread that interferes with how you live your life and includes excessive and unrealistic worry about everyday things. Believe me, it’s as awful as it sounds. It’s something I’ve been dealing with since I was a boy, and something I will always suffer through. It comes with a heaping spoonful of depression and shame and I will be fighting against it until I eventually cross the river. The configuration of this disorder within me often results in days of intense happiness and absolute joy in the world I live in and the path I’ve chosen, followed by days of the complete inability to even get out of bed to witness even the slightest ray of daylight. It’s like a yin yang burrito that’s been left in a microwave too long and it’s turned to slop that somehow has to be choked down on a daily basis.
The question asked, ‘how have I overcome or persisted’ this particular disorder is actually very simple. The only way I have been able to persist, despite this crippling disorder, is simply by recognizing and embracing the fact that it’s there and will always be present in my life. In the theater, there’s an almost cliché concept that actors and writers are taught to adopt; ‘USE IT.’ When an artist is suffering, or scared, or feeling vulnerable and it butts up against a creative goal, a teacher or mentor or like-minded comrade will often invoke the ‘use it’ concept to help propel said artist to reaching their goal. This concept has always worked for me and helped me overcome my fears and blockages. Some of my best work has come at time of great suffering. I’ve written some of my finest scripts and given my most transcendent performances when I’ve embraced the discomfort and anguish in my life. My best films have been made while I’m going through a tough breakup or suffering from loss of a loved one. I think most artists share this experience and some would say true art is difficult to craft without it. Acknowledging the persistent discomfort and channeling it into something productive can often be therapeutic for me.
Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?
I started acting because I liked it. I grew up on after school television and a love of cinema and storytelling. Acting is a very difficult and subjective career to pursue and often takes the creative reigns out of your hands because, to a great degree, you’re at the mercy of other’s perception of you, and there’s a lot of waiting for the phone to ring. However, writing and production of original material is a different path where one can independently strive to tell stories on their own terms. For me, this came when I started my little production company, ‘Lonesome Tree.’ And as the name of the company clearly frames, it represents a blend of my own vulnerability and loneliness with a stalwart nature to keep my chin up and be strong even when it seems like all hope has melted into the ether. I started the company when I felt like I had nowhere else to go and the path I had been going down was blocked. The change of course was absolutely necessary to navigate a dwindling excitement for the art form I had always striven to make a part of my life and it truly has given me some of the best experiences I’ve ever known.
The creation of Lonesome Tree and the push to tell stories that mean something to me has led me to some of the most incredible people I’ve ever known. People who share in the love of story telling and people who have similar obstacles to overcome. Together we’ve made award winning stories that come from real places in our hearts. The most recent and most exciting new event is the upcoming release of my first ever feature length film called, ‘Once a Hero.’ The film centers on the very issues that I struggle with, mainly the inner strife that we all suffer through and the overcoming of the turmoil to carry on with dignity and decency by embracing the love and understanding of others. This film happened because I crossed paths with people like the film’s co-writer and lead producer, Dan Searles, and the film’s director, Michael Tuthill. Both are people I would never have met had I not embraced the scary moments of life and pushed myself to create films and stories and attended dozens and dozens of film festivals seeking like minded artists like them. Without the partnership, positivity and perseverance of people like these, the potential to tell these stories and overcome the obstacles in my life would never have happened.
If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?
If I had to try to pigeonhole all of the impactful artistic experiences I’ve had into three qualities, I would focus on connection, communication and collaboration. All of these require other people and the support that they bring. To effectively collaborate one must communicate. Without being vulnerable and bearing your soul, there is no way to adequately connect to the support system that others bring to a collaborative effort. Film making and story telling are essentially impossible without this support system and a team effort is completely impossible without communication and connection. It can be a very difficult goal to accomplish when dealing with the stresses and confusion of anxiety and fear, but the strength that those like minded colleagues bring to the table are exactly what are needed to help each other reach the other side of the finish line.
If I had any advice to give, it would be to push yourself to reach out and make any and all efforts to find those who share the same passions and also the same fears and obstacles that make you who you are. The realization of the same qualities and virtues and possibly the same short-comings in others have often led me to the joys of the scattered successes in my life.
To close, maybe we can chat about your parents and what they did that was particularly impactful for you?
My parents and my family have had a powerful impact on my life and my ambitions. My mother has always been supportive of everything I’ve done. She’s never pushed me to seek out a career based on money or other’s perception of what success is. She’s always wanted me to spend my life doing the things that make me happy and has sacrificed so much to help me find the path that provides said happiness. I will forever be grateful to her for this. My father has always had a creative soul and has shown me great examples of how to embrace creativity as a source of strength and exhilaration. No one in my family has ever been anything other than supportive and this has been my greatest source of inspiration. The impact of the love and admiration given from the loved ones you know the best is second to none, and I will always acknowledge their contributions to my life’s joys and accomplishments.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.lonesometree.org
- Instagram: @paigesmith76, @lonesometreeproductions
- Facebook: paigesmith76
- Twitter: @paigesmith76
Image Credits
Nick Holmes, James Smith
