We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Portia Effinger a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Portia, we are so happy that our community is going to have a chance to learn more about you, your story and hopefully even take in some of the lessons you’ve learned along the way. Let’s start with self-care – what do you do for self-care and has it had any impact on your effectiveness?
First, I’d like to start by saying, I wasn’t able to truely practice self-care until I figured out me. The questions I had to ask myself were, who are you? And what do you need?
Self-care is a process of intentionality, giving back to oneself and contributing positively to your overall well-being. Mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally, having the ability to be aware of you. I believe knowing what it is that you need in whatever season of life you are experiencing is important. With that said, self-care for me varies, but it is always intentional. In my moments of practicing self-care, I choose to take time to know me better and give myself what I need, whatever that may look like. Sometimes my version of self-care is a “me” day where I lay around in my cave and do absolutely nothing, other times it’s checking something major off my to do list to feel accomplished and lower my anxiety. At times, I may hop on a plane and go to a place I’ve never been in order to experience a personal unknown, or cook a dish that allows me to connect spiritually with someone I may be still grieving the loss of. No matter what I do, the endgoal is always to feel RECHARGED.
Taking this approach to self-care positively impacts my effectiveness, and has allowed me to better walk in my purpose. This does not mean I don’t occasionally have an overwhelming day or two, however, by taking the time to re-center and recharge myself often, I am able to refocus and pour into others selflessly without feeling overly exhausted. It is equally important to me to pour into myself as I do others, because service professions like healthcare and grief work can certainly take their toll. Self-care practiced with pure intention is a life changer.
Let’s take a small detour – maybe you can share a bit about yourself before we dive back into some of the other questions we had for you?
Professionally, I am focused on leaving my mark. I hope to empower others to become a better version of themselves while walking through their authentic journey of healing. The most exciting part about who I am and what I do is the witnessing. I am a Nurse Practitioner and certified grief coach. As a Nurse Practitioner, I am able to witness physical healing first hand. I am able to be apart of someone’s health journey to cheer them on, while providing necessary resources along the way. As a grief coach, I am able to witness trauma, mental anguish, emotional pain and spiritual healing while being the resource. I believe this combination makes what I do very unique.
Overall, my aim is raising awareness to grief centered conversations around the globe! The most profound thing life has taught me about healing is that what we chose not to reveal does not heal. We have to learn how to talk about it. Before this season of my life, I never voiced the struggles of being born to a teenage mom and how the lack of her healing impacted me. Those struggles have become the why of my desires to break generational barriers within my family and others alike. Acknowledging those struggles are the foundation of my healing and have impacted my choice to become a grief support advocate. The beginning of my story was written way before my existence, when my mom loss her mother at the age of 11. I didn’t realize I was called to change how grief is perceived until 2017, after the emotional struggles that came with the death of my stepfather. Before that year, I had experienced grief, but I don’t believe I was truly aware of its potential impact on a family’s dynamic; my little brother gave me that insight. Grief is hard, but I’m choosing to positively impact how our story plays out. Those tough encounters revealed reasons behind weak points in our ability to advocate for ourselves in grief; as well as the fact that the world lacks needed grief related resources to cope with the unpredictable, so I created sources. My non-profit organization, The Recharge Project Incorporated (est. 2019) as well as my recently established coaching business, Grief Love (est. 2022), has allowed me to form an essential community safe space. Healthy healing is my brand and it fuels my excitement both personally and professionally. I pride myself on providing needed resources to help children and their families in times of need. It is my greatest desire to be what I once needed. Grief is a tough journey, I believe no one should ever have to go at it alone.
Because my childhood grief work has touch so many lives, I have expanded my services recently to provide more one on one grief coaching to all ages, because I believe the world needs it. Also, be on the look out for my book coming soon! “Little Michael’s Big Grief” raising awareness to childhood grief and the importance of having tough conversations.
There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?
Looking back at the principles that were most impactful throughout my journey three words come to mind God, goals, and grace.
Keeping God first is important. God has been and always will be the centerpiece to all that I do. I have found purpose and fulfillment in the work that I believe has chosen me. I now realize, as my relationship has evolved in him so did my desires. Reflecting, I am so greatful. I would have never imagined finding joy in grief work the way that I do had I not built our relationship first. His plan for my life is greater than any goal I could have ever set for myself. My first piece of advice is to strengthen your faith walk, it will reveal you to yourself.
Setting goals are vital to success, but understand as you experience growth it is ok to make adjustments. As you achieve and/or evolve, reflect on them often and pivot when needed. Habakkuk 2:2 reminds us to “Write the vision and make it plain.” Writing our goals down gives us accountability and the power to reflect on our growth. I love that my youth pastor taught me this principle at a very young age. I have journals all over the place with dreams and goals written years ago that have manifested in a greater form, and I appreciate that. Always write down your goals, it amplifies their chances of manifestation.
Last, but certainly not least, never forget to allow yourself the necessary grace for growth. If you do not succeed the first time, never give up on you. Society sets its expectations and if we don’t become what standards state we believe we are failures, and that is so not the case. Life has taught me everyone is on their own journey, own it. My goals may be similar to others, but my journey does not have to look like yours in order for me to call it success. I believe success is self defined. Each day that you go out into the world, be true to you, disregard who’s judging!
Any advice for folks feeling overwhelmed?
When feeling overwhelmed, learn to acknowledge it aloud, understanding it is ok to use the resources around you. Next, choose to love on you a little, and yes sometimes that includes saying “no” to others. It is vital that we all learn how to prioritize our mental well-being and explore what healthy boundaries look like. So many times we take on way more than we can handle for various reasons, but the best gift you could ever offer yourself in a trying moment is to be honest. If you can’t do that right now, it’s ok. Authenticity through trial builds character and practing self-care routinely gives the self awareness needed to push forward. Reflect, recharge, and refocus always. Friendly reminder, “the world deserves the best version of you, and so do you!”
Contact Info:
- Website: Grieflove.co
- Instagram: https://www.Instagram.com/thegriefNP
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/portia.chine?mibextid=ZbWKwL
- Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/thegriefNP
- Other: www.therechargeproject.org
Image Credits
Harry N. | @TwoTwentyPhotography
