We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Sarah Kleinke. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Sarah below.
Hi Sarah, so happy to have you on the platform and I think our readers are in for a treat because you’ve got such an interesting story and so much insight and wisdom. So, let’s start with a topic that is relevant to everyone, regardless of industry etc. What do you do for self-care and how has it impacted you?
If you had asked me what my self-care routine was 10 years ago, I would have given you some kind of generic answer like: “relaxing in a bubble bath after a long day.” But unfortunately I have never been and never will be a bubble bath girl. So when I think back on my life, I have absolutely no idea what I did for self-care. I’m not sure I even understood what it meant for me personally. What I have come to terms with about myself is that I am a very stressed and anxious adult and the ways in which I am able to cope with the world around me have completely shifted. Self-care for me in my current day to day centers heavily around mental health, something I never thought I needed to pay attention to… but of course, I was wrong.
Which brings me to my greatest form of self-care: Therapy.
I started seeing my therapist a little over a year ago and WOW. WHAT!? Life. Changing. Again, if you had told me 10 years ago that I would find self-care through talking to someone about my deepest and most vulnerable thoughts and feelings, I would have called BS. I thought that therapy was for “other” people, not me. But I truly cannot explain the impact that it has had on my life. The therapeutic space and relationship is such a fascinating, wonderful, and strange thing and I believe that everyone should experience it at least once. This form of self-care is not indulgent by any means and it is not a quick fix (like I thought it would be). It is hard and messy, it requires showing up and being seen, and being vulnerable and uncomfortable is so scary. Which, when you put it like that… sort of feels like the opposite of self-care, right?
Well… as Dr. Brené Brown says: “Choose courage over comfort.”
And what I have come to learn is that my mental health matters. My body holds and remembers more than I ever realized. And through therapy I have been able to take steps towards improving my communication with all of my relationships, set personal and professional boundaries, find empathy and understanding, and continue to strive for self-acceptance. Day by day I take baby steps towards becoming the person I want to be.
In addition to and because of the therapeutic process, I have discovered routines that I need to engage in weekly if not daily in order to be a functioning human being. Below are some of my additional self-care practices:
– Going on walks while listening to my favorite podcast (Unlocking Us and/or Armchair Expert).
– Journaling.
– Painting.
– Saying no and/or setting boundaries.
– Binge watching my favorite tv show all day (if that’s what I need).
– Eating my favorite meal for dinner.
– Booking a massage (not just because I need it but because I want it).
– Taking yoga.
– Reaching out to a friend.
– Putting my phone away and on DND.
Over the course of my career as a performing artist and arts administrator, I’ve hit multiple points of burnout. And living through a global pandemic… don’t get me started. Prioritizing my mental health and my self-care routines has allowed me to understand where I am at right now, in this moment, and make steps towards changing the way I want to live, love, and work. Therapy isn’t for everyone, but for me it is self-care.
Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?
I am originally from Hickory, North Carolina and I have been dancing since I was four years old. My whole life, all I wanted was to dance for a living and I am so proud of myself when I say that I have achieved that dream. I went to school at East Carolina University and got my BFA in Dance Performance and one of my biggest highlights from my time in undergrad was performing at the John F. Kennedy Center in Washington DC for the National College Dance Festival. I currently reside in Brooklyn, New York and work as a professional dancer and arts administrator for a New York City based dance company, EMERGE125; a Black female-led hub for dance performance, creation, and education.
I never in my life imagined that I would be an arts administrator but I have been successfully working in the field for 8 years and I am currently in my fourth season with EMERGE125. Dancing in New York has given me the opportunity to perform at Jazz at Lincoln Center, Chelsea Factory, The Flea Theater, Bryant Park, Ailey Citigroup Theater, Triskelion Arts, Salvatore Capezio Theater, Lake Placid Center for the Arts, and The Delacorte Theater in Central Park.
I am very excited for my next performance with EMERGE125 at our 2024 NYC Season in May and the following week we will be collaborating on a performance with the New York Choral Society on May 30. (emerge125.org)
Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?
Meeting yourself where you’re at right now: I think often times as dancers we are constantly pushing ahead, hustling, comparing ourselves to others, and criticizing ourselves to the point of extreme distress. I’ve recently been reminded to meet myself where I’m currently at. And even though I am anxious about where I want to go I have to be OK and find acceptance with where I am and who I am now. Yes, work hard. Yes, strive for more. But not at the expense of beating yourself up about it.
People are doing the best they can:
This has been such a mind blowing concept for me and one that I continue to work through. I got it from Dr. Brené Brown on her Unlocking Us podcast and she talks about a research question: Are people are doing the best they can? My initial response was this question was – no, work harder. But if you can accept that yes, most of us are doing our best, it will free you from resentment, frustration, and anger. She calls it, Living BIG (boundaries, integrity, and generosity). In short, we are all doing our best, and this idea keeps me from being swallowed in my perfectionism.
Train your voice like you would any other muscle in your body:
This comes from EMERGE125’s Artistic Director, Tiffany Rea-Fisher, and a long time mentor of mine. As dancers, our job is to use our bodies to speak for the choreographer’s vision. Often times we are not asked for our opinion and we can lose our critical thinking in the studio space because we have been trained to be quiet, work harder, take corrections, and be a good student. There is a particular way through dance training that can silence a dancer’s voice, and Tiffany does a fantastic job of reminding us all that we have a voice, and we need to use it. Advocate for yourself, and speak your truth.
Before we go, any advice you can share with people who are feeling overwhelmed?
Merriam-Webster’s definition of overwhelmed: completely overcome or overpowered by thought or feeling.
Going again back to Dr. Brené Brown (I love her) she talks in her book “Atlas of the Heart” about the difference between overwhelmed and stressed. Stress can relate to unpredictability, uncontrollability, and feeling overloaded. Overwhelm is basically like an intense feeling of being unable to function.
I used to say “I’m overwhelmed” ALL THE TIME, but in reality, I was probably just stressed – which is manageable. I try to manage stress by breathing and not allowing myself to make up stories about what could, should, or might happen. Take things one step at a time.
But, when I have really intense feelings of overwhelm, the first thing I have to do is – NOTHING. Taking this advice from Dr. Brené Brown, it really is the only way forward because our decision making skills are not at all where they need to be to do anything productive at all. I try to acknowledge the feelings. Breathe, breathe, breathe. If I’m on my phone, I put it down. If I’m working, I stop. If I happen to be in public, I find a quiet spot. And once I’ve come down from the heightened emotion, I sometimes will check in with a friend or take some moments to do some self-care (go for a walk, something creative, eat food, drink water, etc).
Just know that this too shall pass.
Contact Info:
- Instagram: www.instagram.com/sarahekleinke/
- Facebook: www.facebook.com/sarahekleinke
- Linkedin: www.linkedin.com/in/sarahekleinke/
Image Credits
Tony Turner, Lisa Keegan Photography, Erik Osterkil
