We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Sean Patterson a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Hi Sean, appreciate you sitting with us today to share your wisdom with our readers. So, let’s start with resilience – where do you get your resilience from?
I learned it’s best to live while I still have time left on this earth.
I became a little reserved and quiet after the death of my father. I didn’t notice it then, but now as an adult, I look back on my experience and realize how much of a toll his death took on me. I didn’t believe people could possibly understand what I was going through at that time. Consider the times – the first day of school, age 12, entering seventh grade. This was before social media, so very few people knew my father had passed away because it happened during summer break. I felt like an outcast. For those who did know of my father’s passing, their parents were still alive. They couldn’t relate.
Even now as an adult, I watch people get married, have babies, graduate from college. When I see their father there with them, I feel my grief intensify. My father is now a grandfather, though he will never have that experience. Just as my son has never known his grandfather. It’s a terrible hurt that has never let me go.
At a young age, my family instilled a foundation of having faith and believing in God. I know God’s plan for my father was bigger than here on earth. I no longer think selfishly about that, and I accept the plan that was placed in front of me. People often say to me “Your father would be so proud… I am sure he’s smiling down on you”. My dad’s spirit definitely lives on through me, and he continues to help provide blessings for others through my actions. It is through working hard to help others every day that I strive to make my dad proud.
Thanks for sharing that. So, before we get any further into our conversation, can you tell our readers a bit about yourself and what you’re working on?
As the founder of the 411 Foundation I have a platform to help people. For the last twelve years we have been providing Blessing Bags/Survival Kits for the homeless. We have distributed holiday baskets during Thanksgiving to disadvantaged families. Seven years ago we adopted an underserved school, and have been raising funds and delivering school supplies at the beginning of each term. And since 2015 we have been serving lunches at the Ronald McDonald House every other month in an attempt to give something to those families in crisis.
Now I endeavor to share another message that could help so many people. We need to have conversations about grief, healing, and building a community to support it. There will come a time when you do not have the words to describe your feelings. Words fail at times, especially when coupled with the bigger emotions. Vulnerability is hard, and kind of scary, but it is so important. Those who have lost someone must understand that if you have someone who feels like they are filling a void, that person can never be a replacement for your loved one.
One method I have used when I start to feel stuck has been to stand up where I turn around 180 degrees and imagine my younger self standing in front, and looking up at me. Try this. What would you say to that kid? Most often, I think you will find your loved one’s words will come through you! It feels like a piece of them is there with you, doesn’t it? Hold on to that feeling for a little while because that is such a good thing for you. Let it flow, and then when you are ready, release it. You miss your loved one and crying just shows how deeply you cared about each other. Grief is the price of love, but it is so worth it.
There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?
Honestly, I think I can narrow it down to two. After those two, all other skills are complementary.
I believe the first skill is to know your worth. Recently, I posted on social media something to the effect of “I can no longer afford to offer my support, friendship, or loyalty where it’s not returned, or appreciated.” This sparked a conversation which resulted in my friend, Rhasun Tapp, commenting, “As you shouldn’t.” I have always tried to see the good in people and it has bitten me often. The response from my friend has stuck with me because he went on to talk about how time is limited for everyone, and our most important asset in this life is time. “No time to play with the unappreciative.”
Knowing your worth goes hand in hand with a second skill – Don’t waste your time. My mom has been saying this for as long as I can remember, “We are only here for a moment”. We really are here for just a short period of time, so my advice for anyone, no matter where they are on their journey, is to make the most of your time instead of wasting it on those who are unappreciative and don’t reciprocate. Reciprocation comes in many forms. It could be a returned favor, or the gratification of seeing them “unstuck” again, or even finding out how they were able to pay it forward. There’s no greater waste of time than sweating the small stuff. In the end, it is all small stuff! Just treat people well, and always say, “Thank you.”
Alright, so before we go we want to ask you to take a moment to reflect and share what you think you would do if you somehow knew you only had a decade of life left?
If I knew I only had ten years left on Earth, my goal – my mission – would be the same. The work I have done through the 411 Foundation thus far has touched so many lives, and I cannot ignore that impact. But I feel like it has only been one part of what I am meant to do. The biggest challenge that I now face is adding grief support to the mix. Telling the story about the loss of my father, and how it has affected my life. I used to think I was depressed and then I realized that it’s not depression it is loss. Only those who have gone through it will truly understand.
It has been 38 years since my father passed and I know the next steps of life are not going to be easy, the feelings of losing a parent evolve with time, and I have no idea where the next steps of this path will take me. As I look back and see how far I have come, it’s obvious the experience has left me determined to enjoy each day. Losing a parent at a young age is a very difficult experience. On one hand, you don’t know any different, so only having one parent is completely normal and functional. On the other hand, you always feel different, slightly awkward about it, with a constant feeling of worry/loss or ‘impending doom’ that you’re unable to explain.
Well into my teenage years I would dread people asking me ‘what does your dad do?’ because if I told the truth, it seemed to create an awkward situation. Mostly, it seemed they would feel embarrassed, uncomfortable with my answer, and the fact that they asked such a personal question. Sometimes this ended the conversation, as it was so out of the realm of their own universe.
Another major downside to having one parent is the tremendous fear you feel if something was to happen to that one precious parent you have left. At every single life occasion my dad is, and always will be, missing. The hole he has left behind has not healed or fixed. It is very much there every single day of my life, and I’m sure it will remain for the rest of it. But it cannot be what controls my life, or negatively affect the relationships I have, or will build. Ultimately, grief is the price of love, but it is so worth it.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.411foundation.com
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thefourelevenfoundation.helpingpeople
- Linkedin: http://linkedin.com/in/seanpatterson
