We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Shirla De Magalhaes. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Shirla below.
Shirla, we are so happy that our community is going to have a chance to learn more about you, your story and hopefully even take in some of the lessons you’ve learned along the way. Let’s start with self-care – what do you do for self-care and has it had any impact on your effectiveness?
Self-care for me comes in many different ways, some I try to implement daily, others weekly, others more spontaneously. Some activities I like to do alone, others with my partner, and others with friends.
Daily I try to walk every morning, especially on work days, 30 minutes of mindful walking, noticing the sun, the clouds, the birds, the lizards, all the beauty of nature surrounding me. That is also a time for introspection, self-reflection, and to express gratitude. I often come up with ideas or solutions to my questions while I walk. I also notice that if I don’t walk before work I feel less energized and motivated throughout the day, it really makes a difference to me. I personally don’t like to listen to anything while I walk other than the sounds around me, and I pay attention to the thoughts in my mind.
I love to garden and even when I am not gardening I like to check on my plants after my daily walk, I consider it a form of meditation. I have a hard time sitting still and meditating but I enjoy several meditative activities. I do have a “zen garden” and I try to sit and take a few deep breaths but mostly I love planting, decorating the garden and I also make what I call “bobbles” to hang on the tree branches. I also enjoy feeding humming birds and all the others birds that come around, my favorites being the Orioles. The birdies entertain both myself and my two cats, who are also part of my self-care routine. When I was younger I never imagined I’d become a “bird person”, but I now find so much tranquility and joy observing them!
As a psychotherapist I incorporate several forms of expressive arts with my clients, and in my personal time I engage in many of the same activities such as creating SoulCollage® cards and journaling about them, I also create other forms of collage (vision boards, self-love books, etc…). I am not an artist but I do try to incorporate some form of painting once in a while, usually following a You Tube video, or I paint rocks for my garden. I recently purchased “dotting tools” and have had fun dotting many rocks!
I would say PLAY is my favorite form of self-care, engaging in any activity that I don’t have to do, I do them because it is fun, relaxing and makes me feel good!
Other solo self-care activities I enjoy is reading, photography, playing with my cats and taking hot showers! If I am sad, there is no better place to cry than in the shower! When I hear 80’s music I will dance nearly anywhere! I do love to dance but rarely have an opportunity to go dancing, which is ok… I used to love going to Zumba classes but now I find myself enjoying gentle yoga once a week. At different stages of life we need different things to recharge, it is important we listen to what our mind and bodies are calling for and make adjustments as needed.
I have a passion for travelling, I also enjoy hiking as well as city biking. I have travelled solo, with friends and with my partner, again, it all depends on the stage of life I am at and what I need.
When I start to feel more tired at or after work, I have a dialogue with myself to see what I need more or less of. Do I need to have a day off? Do I need to do more art, journal, walk with a friend? When I am feeling very burnt out I know it’s time to plan some travelling!
Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?
I am a licensed marriage and family therapist, I own a private practice in La Mesa, CA (San Diego County). I am also a Registered Play Therapy Supervisor, and Registered Sandplay Practitioner. I supervise therapists wanting to become Registered Play Therapists. I used to only work with children however in 2021 I realized it was time to shift my practice to working predominantly with teens and adults now. Having worked with children and understanding what causes them much hurt and pain, I feel it’s now easier to connect to the inner child in the adults I now work with.
I love depth and Jungian psychology, uncovering what lies under the behaviors or issues, this way we can explore ways to make changes in the present. I enjoy incorporating play into my practice with teens and adults to help facilitate this personal exploration and growth. Play can be collage, painting, drawing, music, sandplay, anything that facilitates unconscious material to come up for processing.
I am also a SoulCollage® facilitator and I use it in my practice and I also do some workshops in the community. SoulCollage® is a process of making collage cards for different parts of ourselves, light and shadow, to help us lead a more balanced relationship with ourselves, which consequently leads to a healthier relationship with others.
There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?
I think perseverance and flexibility are very important things to keep in mind. We will all face different challenges, obstacles in our path, but when we have a goal or vision we think is important, we need to remain focused and keep going. At the same time we also need to realize when something might actually not be the right fit for us, or not the right time and be able to adapt to changes. Being able to balance the reasoning mind and intuition to see what’s the best next step, and whichever step you take is ok because you will still find yourself.
I also feel having professionalism and dedication to whatever it is you do is very important. It doesn’t matter if you are not yet doing your “dream job”, whatever it is you are doing, give it your all, arrive on time, be courteous, be present because it shows, you stand out, people notice and you feel good. This builds a positive habit and state of mind and I believe it will eventually lead you to realize with time what is important for you and what you want to do as a career/profession.
Don’t be afraid to try, if it doesn’t work out it is ok, take another path, try a different career, it is never too late! I tell my clients who struggle in their teens or 20’s thinking they need to know what they will do for the rest of their lives, not true! Do what you feel you need to do now, and that can change at any time for many different reasons. I changed careers in my late 30’s, I had 2 kids in middle school and I went to grad school to become a therapist after having worked nearly 20 years in hospitality. In my current practice I used to work only with children and recently I decided to shift my clientele to teens and adults because it feels like a better fit for me now. It’s ok to restart at any point when things don’t feel right anymore.
Thanks so much for sharing all these insights with us today. Before we go, is there a book that’s played in important role in your development?
The Game of Life and How To Play It by Florence Scovel Shinn has been a very important book in my life and sits by my bedside table, always.
Despite it having been written in 1925, it really resonates with me how she feels Life works and how what we think or do has a cause and effect in our lives. In her book she often uses the word “God”, and I am not a religious person but I am spiritual and “God” can mean what it means to each of us and she says that in her writings.
There are several more modern books out there today that share the same message, I have read many and have enjoyed them, but Florence was what originally allowed me in my 30’s to pause and consider what I was doing and how I was attracting certain things into my life. For me her book inspired me to really focus on what I think and do and if I feel stuck at times, I will open her book and it always gives me more clarity.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.solplaytherapy.com
Image Credits
Shirla de Magalhães
