We recently connected with Tammy Barr and have shared our conversation below.
Hi Tammy, so excited to have you with us today and we are really interested in hearing your thoughts about how folks can develop their empathy? In our experience, most folks want to be empathic towards others, but in a world where we are often only surrounded by people who are very similar to us, it can sometimes be a challenge to develop empathy for others who might not be as similar to us. Any thoughts or advice?
Empathy has been an ever present strength for me since I was a teetering toddler. It’s like an inherent skill that I’ve honed and practiced over time. I feel like empathy is my superpower. Maybe creating stories and scenarios with my Barbies helped me think outside the box and become more empathetic. But there have also been some key circumstances in my life that have helped me grow my superpower.
As a young adult, I spent a significant amount of time with people that did not look like me, sound like me, or live like I had. When I graduated from college I spent four years in South Korea and Thailand teaching English as a Second Language.
Living abroad, in full cultural immersion, can either cause you to open your mind and create meaningful connections, or it can trigger a negative response like being critical or seeking isolation. I chose to lean in to those experiences.
I taught students from very different backgrounds. In Korea, many of my students were children of actors and company executives. Some of my students in Thailand lived at the school and were either abandoned by their families or orphaned from the disastrous Boxing Day tsunami of 2004.
To impart knowledge and support a child’s growth, you must find a connection. I used empathy as a key connection tool in the classroom. To understand where they are entering the classroom from, mentally and physically, means I was better able to motivate and teach. These are the same tactics I have used throughout my career, even after I stopped teaching.
Another condition that allowed me to build my empathy was enduring a life threatening medical problem. One of the best ways to develop more empathy is to go through a struggle personally!
For me, I suffered a rare stroke called CVST, in which a blood clot developed in the back of my head. The pressure from the clot caused significant pain, temporary inability to process information and complexity, as well as temporary partial blindness. These are silent disabilities so being out in public during that time meant that no one else knew I was struggling to make decisions, had a hard time gauging depth or distance, or that I was coping with a three-month-long killer headache!
Fortunately, I have fully recovered, and my personal experience has led me to have greater patience with strangers, and increased empathy for those struggling with illness.
I have enhanced my emotional intelligence abilities by reflecting on my past experiences and asking myself: how can I be a better person? What can I learn from my experiences? So really it’s an interplay of my personality from birth, plus my life experiences.
Great, so let’s take a few minutes and cover your story. What should folks know about you and what you do?
My career path has taken a few sharp turns over the years. After discovering that Human Resources was the right fit for my skills and personality, I’ve thrived in various HR roles for several different companies and industries. I love working for people-focused employers and being immersed in complex industries like commercial diving, commercial fishing, and business consulting.
I am currently on a global travel sabbatical with my husband. Together we are experiencing life abroad while our bodies can still tolerate the demands of full-time travel, such as walking 10 miles on narrow cobblestone streets!
We maintain a travel diary and share some travel tips along the way. Neither of us are ready for retirement yet, so we will go back to our careers eventually.
There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?
My journey has been greatly influenced by appropriate risk taking, curiosity, and keeping an open mind.
As you live, various opportunities are going to pop up. Some of these can drastically change your life. You will learn about jobs and places that you never knew existed. As I’ve met people and learned more about their background I’ve exclaimed “I never knew there was a job for that!”
Post-college, before I sold nearly all of my belongings and moved to South Korea, I was feeling nervous and voiced my concerns to my aunt. She told me “if you don’t like it, you can just leave.” It really stuck with me. Take the risk of starting a new job, moving to a new city, or changing up your hairstyle. If you don’t like it, just go back. Embrace the uneasiness of the unknown because you’ll discover more about yourself and the world.
Another great tactic to grow while on your journey is to ask questions and stay curious. Not only will it connect you with the people around you, you will learn a lot. This is a great tactic for introverted people that struggle or feel exhausted by networking. Prepare three thoughtful questions to ask when chatting with others. Even just saying I’d like to hear more about that. What do you like most about working in that industry? It’s amazing how much you can learn from others. Also be prepared for them to bounce that same question back to you!
The last piece of advice to offer is to live life without tunnel vision. Break the simulator. Explore your strengths and aptitude before deciding on a career. There’s more out there than just being a teacher, doctor, lawyer. There are a lot of rewarding and important jobs that do not require a college degree. Your risks don’t have to look like mine: moving overseas or working on cruise ships. It may be deciding to study out of state, writing a book, or pursuing a different path from your parents. You are the main character in your story: your journey is unique to you so best to keep an open mind about the possibilities.
When I took aptitude tests in high school and college, they told me I was well-suited for teaching. I think that gave me a bit of tunnel vision. During college I wasn’t quite sure what “career” I wanted. Teaching seemed like the natural choice and something I enjoyed and excelled at. But it wasn’t until I was exposed to Human Resources that a career really clicked for me.
(And of course, travel when you can.)
What would you advise – going all in on your strengths or investing on areas where you aren’t as strong to be more well-rounded?
The phrase “Life begins outside of your comfort zone” suggests that true growth and progress occur when we venture beyond our familiar boundaries. As you can see, I have taken that advice to heart.
You can’t just rely on your strengths and let cruise control take over. One of my favorite managers, and someone I highly respect, once said that too much of a strength can actually be detrimental.
Overconfidence based purely upon past achievements or natural aptitudes without striving for improvement will hinder your possibilities. If I only relied on my large amount of empathy, then I would not have been able to handle difficult or sensitive HR situations.
Empathy can help an employee feel comfortable opening up to me in an HR role but it just gives us a safe place to have a discussion. Other skills like negotiation and communication really need to have a seat at the table. For example, I was having a discussion with an employee about progress on their performance improvement plan (PIP). Empathy got us into the room without animosity, and communication and negotiation skills led us to a productive coaching conversation where the individual felt supported, heard, and respected while setting goals to improve their performance.
Embrace the uncomfortableness of the growth process. Focus on different areas, so that you can grow in ways you did not even know was possible!
Contact Info:
- Website: TheBarrScene.com
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