We recently connected with Taylor Lianne Chandler and have shared our conversation below.
Taylor Lianne, we’re thrilled to have you sharing your thoughts and lessons with our community. So, for folks who are at a stage in their life or career where they are trying to be more resilient, can you share where you get your resilience from?
When it comes to resilience I never had a choice! There was no one there to protect me as a toddler when my babysitter’s son started molesting me around 3 years old, and lasted till I was 11. Soon after I was the victim of incest by my uncle. When I finally came to terms with the fact that this was not normal I told my grandparents who raised me, and the first thing they did was ask me why I let it happen. I always felt alone and unloved as a child. When I proceeded to have them prosecuted my grandparents gave me an ultimatum, if I kept on I couldn’t do it under their roof. So at 15 they gave me $3000 and a one way ticket to Maine. 1988 I worked three jobs that summer in Old Orchard Beach, Maine. Got an apartment, and started pretending to be an adult. Summer was exciting and non stop fun, but when Labor Day came, everything shuts down for the season. Two of my jobs ended and I was scared. I moved in with a girlfriend, but by October I begged my grandparents to let me come home. We returned to Cape Coral, FL and I resumed private school at Evangelical Christian School, but by January I was miserable, deflated, defeated, and broken. I left for Maine again, I became homeless. My family shunned me, and I never felt so alone. Once again there was no one there to support me. I took my grandparents and my father to court to emancipate and get custody of myself. I felt betrayed, but I finally felt free. I struggled, went on government assistance, lived in a roach infested efficiency surrounded by drug addicts and poverty. No one could hurt me anymore. I was free to become me. I learned quickly the effect I had on men. So I became whatever they desired to get myself out of poverty and elevate myself. From all the abuse i was Borderline Personality Disorder. I adapted to any situation, I became whoever I needed to be to survive. It would be many years later before I got the official diagnosis, but I was text book from as far back as I could remember. I went on to change my name, and build a life that wasn’t formed in trauma and a feeling of being unloved! I put myself through college multiple times. I bought homes, I created the life I felt I deserved. When all is said and done it comes down to you. No one was going to hurt me, abandon me, conditionally love me ever again. I became strong and resilient out of necessity.
Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?
In 2014 I was a sign language interpreter working on the hill in Washington, DC. I was in what felt like a teenage love affair with the most decorated Olympian of all time, Michael Phelps. Life seemed perfect. Then on September 29th of 2014 Michael got a DUI. Who knew that event would unravel my life forever, my life I created would be in jeopardy. My past, the good the bad and indifferent would all be revealed. I was manic for a year, spiraling out of control. My entire life and past became public. I was broken, alone, betrayed and hurt all over again. My Armour could no longer protect me. I became famous, appearing in magazines, newspapers all around the world. I did many television interviews, podcasts and radio. In January 2015 I appeared on the Howard Stern Show with Bradley Cooper. It would be the first time in my life that I would reveal all the trauma I had gone through. I did a celebrity sex tape with Vivid Entertainment, the same company that made Kim Kardashian who she is today. Going For The Gold was my love story with Michael Phelps. I went from some that hated porn, did not watch it, to becoming a porn star overnight. I attempted suicide, went to rehab, relapsed into Anorexia, going from a size 6 to a zero, weighing 110 pounds at 5’7, eventually collapsing in a CVS, waking up in the hospital on a feeding tube. 2015 was awful, lonely, debilitating. Christmas of 2015 I returned to Washington, DC, started interpreting again at a mental hospital, and slowly put myself back together. I used my platform to champion for mental health advocacy, gender rights, and elevating marginalized communities. This was the first time in my life that there was no facade, no way to become a chameleon, I had to deal with only truth. I created a company promoting Diversity, Equity and Inclusion. I used my voice, my privilege as a white woman to elevate Black and brown voices through advocacy, marketing and creating safe spaces. I became a servant leader, helping others because I never knew how to help myself. Today I speak all around the world. I have purpose, I have no choice but to live in my truth. I’m married now, have a rewarding career, and in the new year plan to take my telling my story to a new level.
There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?
My most important qualities are resiliency, to never give up, and accept nothing but the best for me. I work in human services and am grateful to use my skills and abilities to help people with workforce development, housing, food equity, healthcare and mental health. My advice to people having to overcome is that you have no choice but to move forward, often times there is no support to help you on this journey. You are the end all to your success. No one is a better advocate for you than you!
Before we go, any advice you can share with people who are feeling overwhelmed?
When I am overwhelmed, and throughout my life that has been often, I have to acknowledge that I can only deal with one day at a time, the here and now. Depression is your past, anxiety is worrying about the future. For me the only solution was to go on medication. I feel everything in extremes. Through medicine I am able to be present in the now, and not be held hostage by the past, or debilitated by the future and what might come. I live in the now, one day at a time. Years of therapy and psychology finally came correct in 2016, and has changed my life forever.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.TLCconsultingsolutions.com
- Instagram: RealTayChaTLC
- Linkedin: Www.linkedin.com/taylorliannechandler
- Twitter: RealTayChaTLC
- Youtube: RealTayChaTLC
Image Credits
I own the rights to all photos
