Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to Tiffany Milburn. We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.
Hi Tiffany, appreciate you sitting with us today to share your wisdom with our readers. So, let’s start with resilience – where do you get your resilience from?
Being able to fall, get back up, and continue forward in life despite the level of struggle, trauma and pain that life deals a person I think, is an inherent trait accessible in any of us in the same way it naturally exists in nature. The way a fire can completely devastate an area and yet there are certain species of flowers that can only bloom from the ashes. The same way the diamond ring that sits on my finger is created and the conditions that must have occurred for that to happen. Formed under intense heat and pressure from the earth for a process that takes at least one billion years. A BILLION years with the literal weight of the world pressed down with so much intensity in the fiery depths of the earth and yet out comes this beautiful stone that is now known (not surprisingly) as one of the hardest and most durable substances on the planet. However, what sets humans and these natural processes in our environment apart- is that not all humans tap into the characteristics of resilience in their lifetime. Some people make the choice, whether conscious or unconscious to stay the same, to never seek for more, to stay miserable, broken, suffering in their conditions where others choose the path of growth and transformation into their diamond qualities.
For those of us that choose out of our pain stories though, these unbearable and tumultuous conditions that quite literally shape our natural environment serve as a powerful reminder: that when life gets heavy- we too have the power and strength it takes to hold the metaphorical weight of the world on our shoulders and grow into something even more extraordinary and beautiful than before.
This has been true for my story and why I feel so connected and aligned with the word “resilient”.
The foundation that I had my start in life upon was anything but easy.
Thru multiple instances of gun violence in my childhood homes resulting in loss of life with each incident, alongside drug and alcohol addiction in both my parents, witnessing DV repeatedly as a child, changing schools over 20x before graduating high school and plenty of other incidences that are out of the the realm of what a child should encounter- I came into adulthood riddled with anxiety, PTSD, the crushing weight of insecurities and a felt need to try to control all the details of my life in order to create safety for myself that were making me miserable. I had no tools or skills to hold all the weight of the things I had been holding for so long and overtime, I began to crumble. I started developing auto immune issues, I binge drank alcohol as a coping mechanism and I was sabotaging anything good in my life as an unconscious cry for help (and because I believed I didn’t deserve a happy life). Over time as I continued to watch myself break down, I became afraid of what my life would look like if I didn’t change my patterns and ways of being, if I continued to identity my life with the story of my past. To me at the time, it was life or death- and I decided I wanted to try to live for the first time in my life.
When I did ultimately make the choice to live, life supported me and served me the people I needed.
One day I stumbled upon a conscious living while looking for volunteer opportunities. At the time I had no idea what this meant or what these people did, I just felt a clear “yes” in my body. And as I look back now, I know making this choice would change the entire trajectory of my life path and who I would be. During the month that I lived here, I learned somatics, how to hold my body in all of the pain, trauma and past wounding I was carrying with care, compassion and love. I felt the support and healing powers of community and sisterhood; How to trust others to hold me and be vulnerable in the arms of another. I learned tools to support myself, how to heal from the inside out and in all of these things, find confidence, wholeness and empowerment within my body from the inside out. I felt and touched something within myself that I couldn’t unsee and unfeel anymore. It gave me hope, faith and inspired me to keep digging into it.
I took these lessons home with me and practiced it- becoming obsessed with healing and tapping into the deeper realms within me. And from there, over time I transformed. I started making different choices, developed healthy coping mechanisms, healthy relationships in my life, became highly skilled at emotional mastery to be able to hold myself through all of life’s struggles and ultimately made a career out of it as a somatic coach.
The weight and magnitude of my story became the very force that shaped and molded me into the person I needed to be to help others heal from their own crushing stories that hold them captive. And even more fun, is that it won’t take a billion years to do it!
Because of my story, I know that resiliency is a skillset that is developed through practice in the face of difficulties. It wasn’t just something I suddenly became overnight, it was a decision I made; To crumble under the weight of my life, or to break free from my story and find my power within it to LET IT shape me into the diamond that I am. It made me.
We all have access to this quality in any moment, and just like the diamond, we too can be molded by the weight that surrounded us to become the beautiful gem we were always meant to. We just have to make the choice to find it within ourselves.
Appreciate the insights and wisdom. Before we dig deeper and ask you about the skills that matter and more, maybe you can tell our readers about yourself?
As a somatic coach I guide others internally and help them develop a relationship with their bodies and their whole human expression. Within this process, they learn the emotional mastery to be fully resourced to hold any feeling, sensation, past story, trauma, knowing that the power is not in the outside world (what happened to them, what others do or say, what job they have, how much money, how much others like them etc.) but actually in their own capacity to be present with whats happening inside of them to feel the way they do, to react the way they do, to run the patterns that create scenarios that aren’t of benefit to their lives and to take full responsibility for it now SO THAT we they empowered to be the very person they needed in times where they maybe didn’t have unconditional love, support or resources to move through it all.
When we live with this inside out approach to life, we feel empowered and confident in our ability to do anything we want. To be anybody we want to be, to create the dream life we always wanted, to identify as someone who is whole, perfect and beautiful because no matter what tomorrow brings and no matter how terrified we might be to have those things, we know we are fully resourced and capable of holding ourselves through it. Life from here is so much easier, more fun and far more rich than our limiting beliefs and past storied would have had us believe.
As I shared about my story, I came from a background of so much struggle, trauma and pain and came out of that feeling so incapable, riddled with anxiety and shame about who I was. It took me a lot of help, time and energy to relearn how to love myself and not identity with my story or the small person I perceived myself as so that I could create the life I knew I so badly wanted. Because of that, it is so inspiring to me to hold others on that journey and watch them as they reclaim their lives and become masterful in their humanness- both internally and externally. It’s my favorite thing in this world and I feel so grateful and honored to have used the struggles I faced in my life as a way to help others find their way, in whatever way that looks like for them.
As for current projects, I am working on a group program called “Loving Yourself Whole”. It will be a three month container on loving and accepting the whole self by teaching you to be the internal caregiver you always needs, resourcing you with tools, practices, resources, the community to back it all up and having a wide spectrum understanding of the body, nervous system, inner child, parts etc. that make up each of us.
I plan to launch this by March and begin the program some time in April.
If you are interested in my work, reach out to me on IG: @Authentiffany_ or visit my website: Authentiffany.com
There is so much advice out there about all the different skills and qualities folks need to develop in order to succeed in today’s highly competitive environment and often it can feel overwhelming. So, if we had to break it down to just the three that matter most, which three skills or qualities would you focus on?
Without a doubt, somatic work. Learning how to be in tune with my body to listen to the ways it is trying to communicate with me has been life changing for me. I didn’t know how to hold myself through my pain or that I could actually use my body as a tool for moving through the sensations that I felt so strongly. Back then all I knew to do to help myself cope was to drink it away till I didn’t feel it anymore. Now I know the body is extraordinarily powerful and I can use sensation to serve my life- like magic. My body is my compass through life now because I am resourced to hold it- without somatic work I wouldn’t have been able to learn that as a skillset. Haven’t binge drank in ages! Breathwork falls into that category too. The impact breath has on my nervous system in any moment to go from “im about to spin out of control and black out” to “I can breath through this and manage my inner world” is a night and day difference from the person I was before. I still feel scared, I often struggle with self doubt and I question myself a lot, but they dont take me out of the game like they did before because I know how to breath through sensations until they pass. Because I have these resources I am capable of moving forward in life through all my fears and doubts and continue building the life I know I am capable of having.
Okay, so before we go, is there anyone you’d like to shoutout for the role they’ve played in helping you develop the essential skills or overcome challenges along the way?
I would say my husband. Of course all the coaches I have worked with have taught me all the useful skills I needed in order to move through my challenges in a more healthy and empowered way, but the support and love that my husband has given me through all the different phases and versions of me that I have been has been a consistent foundation I have fallen back on. No matter what crazy new idea I had, how much money I decided to spend on this coach, that program, this class…. he fully backed my decisions and believed in me. Even when he had no idea what I was doing, he just believed in me. His love really carried me through and had be believing in myself too. I think we all need someone like that in our lives. It doesnt have to be a romantic partner, it can be anyone who feels like a safe place to come back to and be reminded of how lovable we are even in our dark times. That love is truly the most powerful force in this world.
Contact Info:
- Website: Authentiffany.com
- Instagram: @Authentiffany_
