We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Toban Nichols a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Toban, so great to be with you and I think a lot of folks are going to benefit from hearing your story and lessons and wisdom. Imposter Syndrome is something that we know how words to describe, but it’s something that has held people back forever and so we’re really interested to hear about your story and how you overcame imposter syndrome.
Does anyone overcome imposter syndrome? I’ve reached a point in my life and career where I feel accomplished and capable in my skills. I also convince myself all the time that I learn to do something I don’t know how to do. I can find the resources to learn what I need to know. But I still often find myself feeling inadequate about a topic or unsure how to proceed in a situation and that little voice comes forward from the back of my head. The one that says you’re a fraud or people think you’re foolish. No matter how many things I overcome or how hard I’ve worked at not listening to that voice, it’s always close in the back of my head. Certainly people have learned not to listen and ignore it, or like me have become much more sure of myself in my old age, but that voice I don’t think actually goes away.
In my art practice, I have lots of ideas. Many of them involve skills I don’t currently possess but I always tell myself it’ll be easy and never worry about how to do something. I jump right in and do the research or the training, or find someone to collaborate with who does know how to do what I need. I have a shirt my sister made that says Imposter Syndrome that I wear whenever I’m feeling a little doubt or think I need a little grounding. I think it helps, somehow.
Thanks for sharing that. So, before we get any further into our conversation, can you tell our readers a bit about yourself and what you’re working on?
I’m a visual artist and filmmaker based in LA. My work is deeply rooted in sustainable practices involving upcycled, recycled and materials put to re-use in costuming and sets for photographic and video projects.
In the past year I’ve finished a documentary that’s currently available on Amazon and Tubi to watch. It took 4 years of my life and was extra hard to finish during the pandemic so I’m very proud of it and all the work that went into telling a story about my wonderful, amazing family and an event that took place over 2o years ago that changed all our lives.
I also just completed an experimental film shot in Southern California paid for by a generous grant from the city of Pasadena. It debuted in June and has been well received. It travels next to Europe to a film festival there.
And I’m the creator and designer of the Fusion Hoodie (Fu-HOO!) a design concept using hoodies and caps covered in vintage patches that I sell in various places. I originally just designed one for myself and it has such an impact on people I was finally convinced to make them as a product and fashion line. Those can be seen on Instagram and my website as well as a couple of retail outlets in Joshua Tree at Hey There Projects and in Santa Fe NM at J Justice Necessities. I’ve been very lucky that people like them, they are pretty wacky. I feel honored they’ve had such a good little life so far.
I’m also the Director of Education and Development for a non-profit upcycle depot in Pasadena called Remainders Creative Reuse. I’m very proud of the work we do there helping keep artistic materials out of the landfill and redistributing them to students, teachers, and artists in our art and craft thrift store and using donated materials in all our workshops and classes.
If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?
A skill I find to be very useful is curiosity, or more specifically a desire to know things or know how things work and are done. How something is made, is constantly fascinating to me. When I look at art, or film or things out in the wild, I often will research how it was made, the process etc. Learning how things are made is crucial in making things yourself and has always served me well in my artistic practice.
Another skill I’ve had to develop is patience, which doesn’t come natural to me. I’ve extremely impatient in life. My mind is always racing it’s hard to wait for anything, but as an art teacher and a life-long learner patience and attention to detail are key in both of those realms. Teaching anyone requires a slow patient empathy that gives the learner the space to understand and process new things. The same can be said for learning something new, a careful consideration and attention paid to the small things are how we deeply understand and learn something. The way we pull it apart mentally and apply our own processes to knowledge are, at least for me, how I learn. That takes time and patience.
A third quality I find to be very important as I’ve gotten older is kindness. As a working artist and also someone that collaborates both in his art career and chosen field of work, being thankful and kind is crucial to being with people and asking for their help. In my non-profit life at Remainders I feel I have to thank people for giving us their time, whether they are a volunteer or an employee they deserve to know that I appreciate the work they do and I am thankful they’ve chosen to spend their time at Remainders furthering our cause. The summer heat, the winter cold, busy lives, there are a million reasons people have to stay home and stay put. Choosing to spend your time helping is such a wonderful, selfless thing to do, at the very least they need to know they are appreciated.
And not just being thankful, but truly being kind has become very important to me all around. I guess that has come from working with people in the past who were difficult to deal with, had large overblown personalities or were just hard to talk to and deal with. When I collaborate with anyone or hire anyone it’s important that we have a kind interaction that is friendly and cordial. Good art is not made through strife. Maybe you’re inspired to make art by a stressful event, but the making of the art, the vibe that comes with it, the feelings you have for the people who help you is very very important to me. Being kind and thankful could not be more essential to my art making.
To close, maybe we can chat about your parents and what they did that was particularly impactful for you?
It’s so hard not to blame your parents for everything that’s happened to you. Our inclination is to just blame shift over to them so it’s our own fault for our actions and the way we think. But as I’ve gotten older and particularly after making a film about them, I now see them as actual people who have lives of their own and are also fallible. I know that sounds silly, but I spent much of my twenties and thirties feeling like the victim when it came to my parents. I never really deeply considered their own motivations for doing the things they do or choices they made when they were younger. I tended to put them in this box where they were one-dimensional characters with a single motivation. It’s not something I did or purpose, I think I was just very wrapped up in my own narrative like most people.
In my experience, when you look at someone through the lens of a camera you’re separated from them, you see them in a more specific way. In making my documentary, I wrote the outline of what the film was about and came up with the questions to answer for those on camera and the film itself. But it wasn’t until I was actually watching them through the camera lens, listening to their story and how they told it, from their point of view was I able to really relate and empathize with these two people whom I’ve known my entire life but for the first time truly seeing as a whole being. It’s absolutely mind blowing to me, I was astounded at my own short sightedness. Baffled at my own stupidity and pleasantly surprised at the intriguing people I felt i was “seeing” for the first time in my life.
As for what they did for me, I guess what they did is agree to participate in my crazy film idea and open themselves up and be vulnerable, which is probably the hardest thing for anyone to do. But in doing so I learned so much about them and it’s so wonderful. There are many things they’ve done for me over the years, being supportive of an artist son whom they largely didn’t understand is great. Taking care of me and teaching me things especially difficult lessons I’m thankful for as well. But ultimately being open and honest with a camera in your face and now with that finished film being out in the world is a wonderful gift, an amazing unselfish feat. It’s maybe the most important lesson they’ve taught me.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.tobannichols.com/
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/notatoban/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/beyondthetreesfilm
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tobannichols/
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCLRKFTvNWRgV6u4jVv1ydoA
- Other: https://www.beyondthetreesfilm.com/
Image Credits
All images credits, copyright Toban Nichols
