We were lucky to catch up with TyLie Shider recently and have shared our conversation below.
Hi TyLie, thank you so much for joining us and opening up about the very personal topic of divorce. So many in the community are going through or have gone through divorce and we think hearing about how others dealt with the aftermath and managed to build a vibrant, successful life and career despite the trauma of divorce can be helpful to many who might be feeling a degree of hopelessness. So, maybe you can talk to us about how you overcame divorce?
My divorce was my first public “failure.” And the first thing I had to do was stop calling it a “failure,” because that adjective is too violent to describe matters of the heart. A divorce is a conclusion. A divorce is a lesson. It is also a kind of grief, because life, as you know it, ends. My ex-wife was my second heartbeat, but we grew apart. And so the first thing I had to do was give myself time and space to honor the grieving process after divorce. While grief is cyclical, and it never really ends, the immediate sting of grief is foreign and it requires radical-adjustment. Which means I had to thoroughly adapt to my new life. I gave myself one year to honor my emotions post-divorce without judgment – which included the judgment of self and others who may have bore witness to my healing process, because of their relationship to me. It was a messy year professionally and personally, and I exhausted time and energy trying to reorder my private world. There were, of course, some casualties: fumbled professional opportunities, unsustainable dalliances, and squandered resources (time and energy are as much a resource as money.) But there was also productivity. I rose from the ashes of my mess with my heart still in tact and clarity. An “in-tact-heart” means a heart that could still love without fear or bitterness. And the clarity that I maintain about life, and my life, comes from my rootedness in gratitude and my creative practices. Gratitude is high-vibrational, and the more one could root themselves in it, the more agency one has over their emotional health. Additionally, my creative practice is the part of me that is constant – no matter how shaky my world becomes – it is always there to remind me of who I really am in spite of life’s inevitable challenges. How did I overcome my divorce? I didn’t. I gave myself a year to adjust and accept it. It was like falling from the tallest mountain and landing on my feet, and I have so many generous people to thank for it. And one someone special who did the year with me. You know who you are. Thank you, forever.
Thanks, so before we move on maybe you can share a bit more about yourself?
TyLie Shider is an American writer and the inaugural playwright in residence at ArtYard. A 2022-23 McKnight Fellow in Playwriting at the Playwrights’ Center (PWC), he is a recipient of Premiere Stages’ Liberty Live commission, two consecutive Jerome Fellowships (PWC), and an I Am Soul playwright in residence at the National Black Theatre (NBT).
Recent projects include, SHOPTALK, the fall 2022 NJ premiere of Certain Aspects of Conflict in the Negro Family at Premiere Stages, The Gospel Woman (NBT), Whittier (PWC), and his filmmaking debut Sign O’ the Times. Screenwriting credits include: Truant. He holds a BA in Journalism from Delaware State University and an MFA in Dramatic Writing from NYU. A proud member of the Dramatist Guild, he is currently a Professor of Playwriting at Augsburg University, and a staff writer for Minnesota Playlist.
Follow his career on IG: @theplaywright
Looking back, what do you think were the three qualities, skills, or areas of knowledge that were most impactful in your journey? What advice do you have for folks who are early in their journey in terms of how they can best develop or improve on these?
I always tell my students to study the biography of the people they admire. Building a career in any area is a unique journey. However, you could put together a blueprint for success by studying biographies, and identifying and “emulating” aspects of a life you admire. Each biography is like a bible filled with principles and “dos and don’ts” for us to cultivate the best version of our own lives. I still return to some of my favorite biographies. One of which is Divided Soul by Marvin Gaye and David Ritz. You could learn a lot from biography, and if you are not a reader like myself, I’d encourage you to search for shorter biographical article-interviews (like the ones I edit for https://minnesotaplaylist.com/author/tylie-shider), or audio-interviews, etc.
We’ve all got limited resources, time, energy, focus etc – so if you had to choose between going all in on your strengths or working on areas where you aren’t as strong, what would you choose?
I believe mastery of one’s strength is their key to success. You may be interested in other areas, but it is wise to use your area of strength in order to provide opportunities in other areas of interest. My area of strength has always been storytelling. And while there are many forms of storytelling, all of which interest me aesthetically, I’ve spent most of my time crafting my voice as a playwright. This focus has not shut me out of other forms of storytelling, rather it has created opportunities for me to write screenplays and pilots and even make films, etc. Because I’ve shown strength and loyalty in one area, people trust my writing voice in other mediums. Sometimes it’s okay to pigeonhole yourself in order to master mastery.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.tylieshider.com
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theplaywright/
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_LCXatTEKGs
Image Credits
Hartley Mellick
