Perspectives on Developing Confidence

It’s okay to be scared, often that’s a sign that you are pushing yourself towards greatness. However, it’s equally important to build up your confidence and we hope the conversations presented below can help provide some food for thought around how you can level up your confidence and self-esteem.

Kat Polsinelli

At it’s simplest core in order for me or anyone to develop confidence and self-esteem, you have to learn to love you for you. Now I know many will say, “but I do love me”. I disagree. You may like you or tolerate you but if you loved you, truly loved every bit of you, your confidence and self esteem would soar! You see I could tell anyone years ago that ,”of course I love me” but I knew when I said it, it didn’t feel real. Think of all the times you put yourself down, you call yourself names, you get mad at yourself for not knowing something, doing something right, etc. That is not true self love, and true love for yourself is where you build the confidence and self-esteem from that no one can take away from you. Read more>>

Paola Camila

I developed my confidence and self esteem by making the decision to turn my life around when I was at a low point 3 years ago. I was depressed, overweight, and I had an eating disorder. The moment I told myself, “if it’s not getting better, it’s getting worse,” was the moment I realized I had to change because I couldn’t bear the thought of possibly feeling worse than I already did. So I learned all the information I could about health and fitness through books, podcasts, and youtube videos. Consuming this content was a part of my daily morning routine. This is what enabled me to start changing the way I looked at health and fitness. Instead of seeing it as a chore, I saw it as a gift.  Read more>>

Linnita Hosten

My journey to finding confidence and self-esteem didn’t start with podiums or workshops. It began in small, quiet moments, questioning my voice and my impact on others. Growing up, I was hesitant to speak up — not because I had nothing to say, but because I worried that what I said didn’t carry much value. I saw the effect powerful voices had around me and knew I wanted to cultivate that same strength, yet it felt like such a distant skill. Read more>>

Darcell Dance Aasha Benton

Darcell Dance/Social Worker and Black Woman Business Owner
At an early age I had teachers who saw my potential and poured into me. I went to schools where we were bussed in from our neighborhood. I was one of a few Black children in my classrooms. My teachers didn’t look like me and they didn’t live in my community. In spite of this, I always felt loved. I was cared for as a student and seen as a whole and unique person. I never felt less than or that I couldn’t do anything that I wanted to accomplish. I remember one of my teachers came to my birthday party at my house. Another teacher took a group of us on a field trip to experience life on a farm. Read more>>

Chris Pieta

I was a shy, unconfident kid growing up. I played A LOT of video games when I was in high school, and honestly that’s what planted the initial seed of becoming more confident… more on this later. It wasn’t until college that I discovered the world of self-development. I could try new things, fail at them, try again, get slightly better, and repeat until I got good. Read more>>

Kendall Shiree

Confidence comes from the belief that you trust yourself enough to make mistakes, analyze them, accept them and create something better out of it. My confidence really comes from my childhood and my parents always supporting me and allowing me to be who i am, unapologetically. However, as we get older, some of those roots can begin to stray as we meet new people and face harder challenges. Confidence is a choice. Wake up and decide that no one and no thing can shake who you believe that you are inside.  Read more>>

Jenny Griffin

When I think about confidence, I think of the quiet girl. The quiet girl liked things that were soft and liked her back. She liked words, candy stores, the weather section of the newspaper, Cinderella, sitting alone on airplanes, her haircut, face paint, salmon, errands, People Magazine, her mother, ease, being Italian, being an Aquarius, her Nana, pink, the rain, her tiny “boyfriends” who wore dresses in their finished basements when the moms went upstairs, field trips to the apple orchard, patience, Christmas pageants, Easy-Bake Ovens, her lavender bedroom, hospitals, and watching gas prices change. Read more>>

Duncan Mcdougall

I grew up a fairly shy, timid boy. I was quiet around others, and didn’t mind being by myself. But from a young age, I fervently wanted to be adventurous, outgoing, brave, and confident. Books helped show me the way. For years I read every book I could get my hands on about real or imaginary characters who embodied those traits — explorers, scouts, soldiers, prospectors, politicians, and pirates. Those stories gave me a sense of what it felt like to be Marco Polo, the Hardy Boys, Amelia Earhart, Sir Edmund Hillary, Black Beard, or Winston Churchill.  Read more>>

Essence Weller

I developed my self-esteem by overcoming the fear of other people’s opinions and relying on myself for gratification. When I see the word Self in front of something, I logically process that it is something that I on my own have to advocate and assert for on my behalf. The only way out is in. I’ve been able to do a lot of soul searching and spend an ample amount of time with myself to really focus on what matters, like how I feel and what I want to accomplish. I always pride myself on being a motivating force in my own life so that I can effectively encourage others with the insight I have gained from being highly self aware. Read more>>

Melinda Lewis

I’ve always been a capable person with a good attitude, someone that felt like they could move mountains. A few years ago, I went through a relationship that fractured my self-worth to the point that I no longer recognized the woman in the mirror. I quickly went from a lifetime of being athletic, to having 40lbs to lose. From confident and unshakeable, to very real panic attacks in the grocery store. No confidence. No self-esteem. Just a complete breaking. Read more>>

Krystal Edman-wilson

I grew up in a very small gold rush town in Northern California. Jobs were waitressing, housekeeping or manual labor. When I was a kid, being different was frowned upon, and being a bigger girl in the early 2000’s was even more so. When I turned 18, I moved to Napa Valley, and started getting tattoos as a way to help me feel more physically confident, and now I’m covered! For me, helping clients get their makeup done and feel absolutely beautiful is the best feeling in the world, helping them realize their inner confidence and self worth, whatever age they are. We all deserve to feel beautiful and worthy of ourselves and our bodies. Read more>>

Amanda B

I always felt like I was the “girl next door” growing up and people would tell me how cute I was or how adorable I was and it made me feel like they were talking about a puppy! I’ve always known I was beautiful but I wanted something that made me FEEL that way too. After a really bad breakup, I decided to start my pole journey. My first time going to the strip club, I was a freshman in college, and I was amazed with the dancers and the tricks they were doing. I said to myself that I would love to learn how to do that one day. I went to a few events over the years and finally signed up for my first class in 2018. I went because I wanted to “find my sexy” and feel confident in my skin without having to seek validation for it. And here I am 6 years later, a business owner and pole dance instructor and it’s the best feeling ever. Read more>>

Julia Jones

Developing my confidence and self-worth has been a long and challenging path, shaped by early childhood experiences that left me feeling unworthy and unlovable—a belief perpetuated by patterns I struggled to break in adulthood. While growing up with an alcoholic father, I internalized the belief that I wasn’t enough which was then strengthened in later relationships. Marrying someone who struggled with addiction and infidelity only reinforced the cycle, deepening my belief that I wasn’t truly “worthy” of love. Read more>>

Madeline Schiavi

I feel like I’ve always had a really strong sense of self. I remember even when I was really, really young, like in preschool, always feeling a little bit different. Usually, I preferred playing alone, which was sometimes because people didn’t play the games right, or they just didn’t want to play my games at all. Honestly, that has never bothered me. My mom always likes to tell me about when I was little, and how I was so picky about my clothes. I really hated specific kinds of fabric because of the way they felt, and on some days, I just did not want to deal with clothes at all. So, I think early on I was allowed to just pick out my clothes, which definitely helped me develop a sense of style and of what I liked. Read more>>

Leeann Blanchard

I come from absolute bedrock–married parents who were educated and involved in their children’s lives, a religious upbringing which gave me a sense of my value and purpose, and many opportunities to discover and develop my talents. I have three brothers and no sisters, but I wasn’t a princess at all. My parents were always very careful to be fair and equitable, and I grew up thinking I was just as important as the boys. My parents were also very active in clubs, civic organizations, and had their own small businesses. We attended a lot of functions as a family and entertained in our home quite a bit.  Read more>>

Tevy Khou

Becoming an artist takes serious guts. Much of my confidence and self-esteem comes from my parents, who always supported my dream of becoming an artist. This support was especially meaningful to me, as it stood in contrast to stereotypes about Asian parents as being “tiger moms” or overly focused on perfection. Their encouragement gave me a solid foundation, especially as I grew up primarily in poverty and a highly unstable environment. Read more>>

Che Maria Milani

Confidence and self-esteem are two things (among many, actually!) that require constant attention and slowly, slowly they develop into something that serves us. For me, this journey of feeling confident particularly in my ‘new’ (but not so-new) line of work has been a work in progress. Pre-2020 I was working in a completely different world – the world of dance and dance teaching. Naturally, that blip-that-shall-not-be-named in our history changed the course of many lives, mine included, and I ended up moving into something that had intrigued for a while… Read more>>

Adan Munoz

My life, especially starting in my adolescent years, has been a series of ups and downs that lead to where I am now mentally. There was quite a bit of bullying as a new kid from a small town moving to the big city in Texas. At the same time there were people around me noticing and came to my side. People I would never expect to care about me. Realizing that I had a creative side to me, I used performing to build my confidence and create a persona that people gravitated to. Did it sometimes feel like I was and have always been “onstage” since then? Absolutely. But it made me so happy to make people laugh and smile and dance. Read more>>

Mingway Lee

I initially developed my self-esteem and confidence by adopting a “fake it till you make it” approach. I focused on refining my voice and checking off the typical “social skills” boxes. Over time, through engaging with people, I discovered what I excel at and what sets me apart—like the bold, unconventional nature of my artwork and my talent for mastering different languages. My confidence grew as I embraced and showcased these strengths. Most importantly, surrounding myself with people who understand and support my mindset and inner world has been essential. Their affirmation and encouragement have played a big role in reinforcing my belief in myself. Read more>>

Svetlana Askenazy

I would say that following my passion has been key to building my confidence and self-esteem. When you’re deeply invested in something you love, it’s different from just going through the motions of routine work. There’s this energy and drive that comes from within, and that’s been a huge confidence booster. Read more>>

Natalie Palik

I have truly adopted the saying “fake it til you make it”, and I think that in most aspects of life, we are all trying to show up and present ourself as the person we are striving to become. I believe that self-esteem and confidence can truly get you far in life, and open a lot of doors. I don’t think that you are born with high confidence or crazy good self-esteem, but it is something that you are taught, or you learn through watching the ones that raised you. I am very thankful and blessed to have two strong and resilient parents, as well as a very strong-willed sibling. When I am having doubts of my abilities or just who I am as a person, I really rely on the ones that raised me and that I look up to for reassurance. Read more>>

Empress Hyder

My confidence and self-esteem were developed out of necessity and resilience. My journey hasn’t always been easy, and life has presented its share of setbacks and challenges. I started with an idea and a spark of passion, building my first business with only $500 and a dream. I took risks, made mistakes, and had some doors shut in my face, but I learned that these experiences are part of growth. Read more>>

Alyse Gamson

Only in the past few years would I answer, ‘I’m an artist,’ when asked what I do for a living. Yet, I’ve always been an artist at heart. It’s how I see the world—my perspective shapes the stories I bring to life in my art.” Before embracing my path as an artist, I earned both undergraduate and master’s degrees in accounting, became a CPA, and spent several years in the corporate world. But a transformative time living in San Francisco sparked a shift, inspiring me to pursue my true passion for the arts. Read more>>

Annabelle Fuerst

Our confidence and self-esteem has been a long fought battle for both of us, especially in regards to music. Though we’ve both struggled at times to feel confident and secure in our abilities, being able to examine, recognize, and appreciate the accomplishments we’ve acheived has helped the two of us gain confidence and feel proud of what we do. I think it’s important to be able to realize that your accomplishments occur as results of your hard work and dedication, and both of us accepting that fact has helped us both to be more confident inside of music, and outside of it as well. Read more>>

Kai Brown

My confidence in creativity comes from being okay with not knowing. I love not knowing where a project or idea will go. I just know I will follow where it wants to go, finding the right people, skills, and time that it needs. So I try to get out of the way and let the idea grow. That way, it’s not me but the art that’s creating itself. I just get to be along for the ride. Read more>>

Misa Mochizuki

I stopped judging myself. Before I always told myself, “You are not enough, so work harder.” “You can’t make mistakes because that’s a shame.” “You must dance better than other dancers. You can’t lose.” etc. But this kind of words actually gave me bigger fear. I always criticized myself, that’s why I always criticized others. Read more>>

Gwen Tinsley

At a young age I was forced to grow up almost overnight as my parents divorced very suddenly handling the situation poorly impacting me for the rest of my life. I was out of control and on a ride I never signed up for. As a 12 year old entering middle school (we all know how awful middle school was already) my world had turned upside down and no one ever asked me where and who I wanted to live with. I didn’t know this then but that lit a deeply fueled fire to never let someone else have that much control over my life. I made a promise to myself that I would forever be in the driver seat going forward. Read more>>

Zachary Spuckler

I wouldn’t say I’m the most confident person in the world, but I DO KNOW that what I have to offer is really helping people. And so on the days that I might not be feeling the most confident I remember that there is so much values for other’s if I still show up. I’d love to lose some weight and have a stronger mental game – but I also know that when I show up as I am it gives others the permission to do it to, and that keeps me going! Read more>>

Adrian Escusa

I was not initially very confident in what I did, much less having a self-esteem that could carry me through many things. Eventually, at one point in my junior year in high school, I woke up one day and decided to take a chance on myself and make the active decision to grow as an individual and in the things I found passion in. I learned to accept that failure was part of every process in learning to get good at anything, and instead of being discouraged with failure, I sought it out as an opportunity to learn. Eventually, through countless failures and numerous trials & errors, I was able to begin feeling more confident in my abilities and seek out the vision I wanted for myself. Read more>>

Malisa Lewis

As a child, I was bullied and made fun of. I would walk down the hallway and hear other kids call me names like Mufasa or gorilla. I dealt with bullying and low self-esteem from elementary school to high school. I never believed I was smart or beautiful. I like most kids just wanted to be liked, and accepted by my peers. It was my faith in Jesus Christ that changed my view of myself. Through the Bible, I’ve learned that my acceptance doesn’t come from others but from Him. The Bible tells me that I am accepted in his love. He loved me before I was born and established a perfect plan for my life. Don’t get me wrong there are days when my mind goes back to those insecurities, but I remind myself how the creator of the universe so loves me. And for me, that’s enough! Read more>>

Eli Weinstein

Over the years, life has thrown me plenty of curveballs, challenging me to rethink how I define myself. Ultimately, it all boils down to one key question: How do you see yourself, and are you bringing the real you to the table? Looking back, I was once that friend everyone labeled as “happy-go-lucky,” always cheerful and wearing my heart on my sleeve. I was the kind of person who’d walk around like I’d just won the lottery (even if my bank account strongly disagreed). One day, though, someone asked me if I was, well, mentally unstable—just because I was always so joyful! Imagine that: apparently, big doses of happiness were grounds for suspicion. Read more>>