Rach aka Coach Pike & Joey McDaniel shared their story and experiences with us recently and you can find our conversation below.
Good morning Rach aka Coach & Joey, we’re so happy to have you here with us and we’d love to explore your story and how you think about life and legacy and so much more. So let’s start with a question we often ask: Have you stood up for someone when it cost you something?
I have stood up for many people in my lifetime (me included), but I wouldn’t say it came at a cost, at least not a very high one, relatively speaking. In my experience regret costs far more for me than standing up and speaking my truth. With that in mind, anything or anyone I have lost in the process of standing up for someone’s right to safety and peace couldn’t be very valuable to begin with. Therefore, it was more of a gift than a loss or cost. It is far easier for me to identify costs in moments I lacked the courage or energy to do the right thing. Lots of sleep lost in those moments, replaying it back with what I wish I had found the energy or courage to say or do.
I have one specific moment that I think of often. My wife, Joey and I were sitting on the Lincoln Memorial one summer night after a bar tending shift. We often had late night dates there reading together. There were a decent amount of people wandering around the monument that night, but one young woman was sitting alone near the gigantic marble pillar just to the right of us. As some time went on it became clear she was struggling. I heard her crying hard and trying to keep it together so she wouldn’t disturb other folks. I have no idea what was wrong, but she was hurting and alone in that moment. I don’t like to overstep but I wanted her to know she wasn’t invisible. We saw her and cared that she was hurting. If she thought she was alone, she wasn’t. We were there. I questioned myself, bouncing between finding the right words or just minding my business. Finally, I found the words and Joey encouraged me to gently approach. I said, “Hey friend, I am sorry you’re hurting, and I just want to say I see you – you aren’t alone. I don’t have much to offer, just a water.” She immediately apologized for her tears interrupting our night. I assured her she was not interrupting us at all. I just wanted her to know she wasn’t invisible, and we cared that she was not okay today. I told her keep on crying and really let it out if she needed. I was going to go back to our book and let her have her space, I was a stranger after all, but if she needed anything we were right there.
I don’t know her name or any other information about her, but I think of her often. I am hopeful that things got better for her or at least she didn’t feel so alone while they were difficult.
Can you briefly introduce yourself and share what makes you or your brand unique?
My name is Rach Pike but everyone calls me Coach and Joey McDaniel is my wife. We are the co-founders of As You Are (AYA) in Washington, DC. We opened AYA in 2022 after working in DC gay bars for 30 years combined. Our vision was to collaborate with community leaders to create a queer safe space for our community that offered more than just nightlife. The ground floor is a cafe by day with lounge vibes in the evening and every Friday and Saturday evening we have a variety of DJed dance parties on the 2nd floor.
We aren’t like any other gay bar! What makes us unique is our diversity of programming and the mission to create a safe space for the most marginalized individuals in our already marginalized LGBTQIA+ community. We have learned that it is easier to find joy in spaces that prioritize your experience and consider the factors that create safety for your community. We see this a lot in our industry, for example a footie bar for soccer lovers, a 49ers bar where fans can walk in and know they are with their people on game day. That’s what we want to create for the queer, sapphic and trans community.
I think the most unique thing about AYA is our commitment to social and economic justice. Creating this space has been a true collaboration with the communities it was built to serve. We want to be accountable when we misstep and continue to grow and improve for the queer community. It is a space where everyone is welcome so long as 3 standards of behavior are met; 1.) enthusiastic consent is mandatory (& sexy- pro tip) 2.) respect & affirm identities, boundaries, and pronouns 3.) celebrate & respect LGBTQIA+ culture. So, in short, be kind and treat people with the respect you would like to be treated with.
Amazing, so let’s take a moment to go back in time. Who were you before the world told you who you had to be?
I am obsessed with this question! I work each day to get back to being the person I was before the world told me who I had to be.
I was a deep thinker. Even as the world tried to shape me I picked apart the “why” behind the pressures. The most obvious behavior the pressure of the world affected in me was my curiosity. There was such wonder in me and I was the most happy taking something apart just to learn how it was put together, literally and figuratively. These are still my most happy and peaceful moments. Interestingly, that curious light in me saved my life more than once. While it was dimmed as I grew up it never got put out and always seemed to flicker the brightest when I was out of worldly answers or understanding.
Joey has a saying that she learned from looking back at her life. I think everyone needs to hear this! She says, “They were wrong about you.” This knowledge has probably saved her life a time or two as well. When she came to this realization I watched her become the hero she needed when the world was pressuring her to be something different than she was.
When you were sad or scared as a child, what helped?
When I was scared as a child the only thing that worked every time was talking to the trees. I realize now this act brought me back to the present and didn’t allow space for fear and anxiety. I still talk to the trees. They are great listeners and help me tap into source energy to clear my head and find the answers that live inside me.
Sure, so let’s go deeper into your values and how you think. What important truth do very few people agree with you on?
Most people believe in hard work as an avenue to success. I have a perspective on this that usually makes people uncomfortable. Allow me to explain.
Do you know anyone that has worked hard for something and achieved it? How about a person that hasn’t worked hard for something and got it? Lastly, do you know someone who worked hard for something and didn’t get it?
Maybe you can remember a time when you were the person in each of these scenarios? I have pondered many times that perhaps the key isn’t the work you put in but the strength of your belief that you are worthy of the thing you are striving to achieve. I have worked really hard for things I just “knew” I’d never get and then didn’t. I have not worked as hard for things I believed I was destined for and I did achieve. I have also worked hard and achieved it before.
Ultimately, if you believe hard work is how you succeed then you need to work hard so you can hold the belief you are worthy to achieve. Even in that scenario hard work is not the reason for achieving but rather the reason for believing. It may be possible that believing is the most important factor to success.
All that and I know there are holes in this theory. The main hole is the necessity of making space for the reality of oppression different communities are violently harmed by. It is an idea that I continue to question, study and investigate. This is not a hard and fast rule but a thought I often ponder.
Okay, so before we go, let’s tackle one more area. Are you doing what you were born to do—or what you were told to do?
I am doing what I was born to do! I am so grateful to be able to say that. I didn’t know the path I would take to fulfilling my purpose and I didn’t have “co-founding a queer bar” on my bingo card but here we are!
I always knew I wanted to spend my days in community. At As You Are everyday is with and for community. I have a natural gift for observing and seeing what others may miss around them. That paired with my high level of patience, curiosity and gentle but firm touch make me built for creating safe spaces. I am so interested in people and how we move and connect in this world. I have learned that as a baseline people need to feel belonging and security to truly thrive, find peace and have joy. I have never been more clear that the way I can help people meet this basic need is by contributing to spaces that cultivate environments for people that have less access to peace because of the ugly things that happen in this human world.
My partnership with Joey is what makes this possible. She too is fulfilling her purpose with her gift of connecting with people. We often remind each other that humans are built to connect and without it being human gets very difficult. She is the cultivator of connection at AYA and in the queer community. Always a soft place to land with the ability to give people a gentle nudge to believe in themselves and see their beauty.
We are so lucky to have the gifts we do and the wisdom to build a team that brings their special gifts to help AYA achieve the mission.
Contact Info:
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/asyouarebarevents
- Other: https://www.tiktok.com/@asyouaredc?lang=en
Image Credits
Personal photo & IMG 5379, 5381, 5387: Stonieflix
IMG 5382, 5380: Sophia H. Moten
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