Story & Lesson Highlights with CJ Scarlet

CJ Scarlet shared their story and experiences with us recently and you can find our conversation below.

CJ, so good to connect and we’re excited to share your story and insights with our audience. There’s a ton to learn from your story, but let’s start with a warm up before we get into the heart of the interview. What are you most proud of building — that nobody sees?
Back in 1997, while serving as the Director of Victim Issues at the NC Attorney General’s Office, I initiated, wrote a $1MM grant for, and co-chaired the implementation of the nation’s first statewide automated victim notification system which notifies victims before their offenders are released from custody so they can take precautions for their safety.

To accomplish this, I had to bring together leaders from the courts, prisons, jails, and law enforcement offices across the state (who often didn’t cooperate or coordinate with one another) and get them to agree to completely overhaul their disparate technologies—another first.

This system was selected as the national model by the U.S. Department of Justice and won numerous awards. Over the past 28 years, it has helped protect millions of crime victims across the country,

Can you briefly introduce yourself and share what makes you or your brand unique?
I’m a kid safety crusader, award-winning author, and the Badass Grandma! Through my books, online courses, and Heroic Kids Safety Game app (under development), I empower kids to avoid bullies and predators, and defend themselves if needed to escape dangerous situations.

I started my company, Badass Grandma Ventures LLC, because I know first-hand how child abuse can destroy lives. I myself am a survivor of child sexual abuse and, at the age of 19, I was raped and narrowly escaped a sex trafficking ring. I spent years dealing with the emotional aftermath of those experiences. Since I took my power back in 1990, I’ve used my trauma as rocket fuel to propel my efforts to protect all children from victimization.

I became an advocate for others who had been victimized, running a child advocacy center, and serving as Director of Victims Issues for the North Carolina Attorney General’s Office — all while earning a master’s degree in human violence. Over my 35 years as a victim advocate, I’ve helped thousands of survivors claim their power too.

So I have the experience, the expertise, and the HEART to do this majorly important work.

People, especially parents and grandparents, LOVE my Badass Grandma brand, which is cheeky and a little snarky, but also firm, kind, and compassionate.

My company is in the process of developing a fun, engaging kids’ safety game app that will challenge children from 5 to 17 to pass a wide variety of safety challenges (related to bullying, cyberbullying, sexual abuse, online dangers, kidnapping, sex trafficking, and navigating sexual consent) so they learn how to protect and defend THEMSELVES from dangerous people.

We’re working with a number of international nonprofit and corporate organizations to support our work and promote the app to their audiences.

Amazing, so let’s take a moment to go back in time. What did you believe about yourself as a child that you no longer believe?
I honestly believed that I was the cause of all my abusive experiences. I thought there was something inherently wrong with ME that make “good” people do bad things. As a result, I was filled with shame and loathed myself. I acted and thought like a victim for the first 29 years of my life, but then got into counseling to begin healing from what had happened to me. It was an incredibly difficult process, but I persisted, largely because I wanted to break the cycle of abuse for my sons, who were my inspiration to keep going, even when it felt impossible.

Today I absolutely LOVE myself! I live such a beautiful life, filled with supportive friends, amazing grandkids, and work that I love so much I can hardly wait for my feet to hit the floor each morning, knowing I get to help kids across the globe be safer and happier.

If you could say one kind thing to your younger self, what would it be?
If I could go back and say something kind to my younger, traumatized self, I would say this:

“Baby girl, everything is going to be okay. YOU’RE okay. You’re better than okay because you have the strength and the resilience to overcome everything that’s happened to you. And not only that, you’ll go on to use what happened to you and turn it into a superpower that enables you to help protect MILLIONS of children by making them safer and savvier. You are my hero!

Next, maybe we can discuss some of your foundational philosophies and views? Is the public version of you the real you?
I’m 100% transparent and authentic. But that wasn’t always the case. For decades I faked it till I made it, meaning I pretended that I had it all together when, in fact, I was a raging mess.

I kept trying to please everyone, and I contorted myself into pretzel shapes to get their approval. As a result, I had no women friends because they could sense my inauthenticity a mile away.

Now, I no longer fake anything. I show up as I am, scars and all, embracing and honoring every part of myself. I’m blessed to have so many close friends now who have my back.

Before we go, we’d love to hear your thoughts on some longer-run, legacy type questions. What do you understand deeply that most people don’t?
Many think that child victimization–whether it’s bullying, abuse, or trafficking–is an intractable problem.

It is NOT.

There’s a LOT that can be done to protect our kids, and I REFUSE to accept the status quo.

In my work, I teach parents how to empower their kids to avoid bullies and predators and escape dangerous encounters. I’m convinced that if parents followed the ideas, methods, and tools I share, we could break the generational cycle of abuse for millions of families and keep more children safe.

MILLIONS.

Just imagine the movement that would create!

People always say someone should DO something to end child abuse. Well, I’M someone and I’m doing something about it! And if a 5’-nothing grandma like me can start a movement, just imagine how many kids we could protect if we worked together!

People need to stop complaining about the problem and actually DO something to fix it! Working together, we’ll make an indelible difference in the lives of countless kids.

Contact Info:

Image Credits
Heather Russell shot all but the image of me in the black leather jacket by myself. The black leather jacket photo should be attributed to Michelle Strickland.

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