We recently had the chance to connect with Nessa Amherst and have shared our conversation below.
Hi Nessa , thank you so much for taking time out of your busy day to share your story, experiences and insights with our readers. Let’s jump right in with an interesting one: What makes you lose track of time—and find yourself again?
It would be spending time outside, whether that’s reading a book or taking a long walk for hours on end. There’s something about being in the fresh air that helps rejuvenates my spirit, and it also helps me solve some problems or concerns that have been on my mind and heart. It is true what they say – fresh air DOES make a difference! In the time I’ve spent outside, I’ve never felt more relaxed and peaceful and it does wonders for my mental and emotional health. Go outside and breathe the air!
Can you briefly introduce yourself and share what makes you or your brand unique?
I am a professional actor & writer in the Washington, DC, area, who primarily does theatre, but I have also done voiceovers and film. Some of my acting credits are based in Washington, DC, Maryland, and Northern Virginia, but I have also worked with some amazing organizations based in Chicago, Boston, Tennessee, South Carolina, and of course, New York. I’ve played all sorts of roles – a conniving conspirator, a loving grandmother, an alleged mistress to a former President of the United States, a member of the demonic chorus, a passionate rapper, and even a famous scientist. I guess you could say I’m a character actor, and I’m quite good at that!
My most recent projects include Dresses That Twirl with Young Playwrights’ Theater, A Guide to Modern Possession at by Caro Dubberly at District Fringe, Klecksography with Rorschach Theatre, and Fires in the Mirror with Laurel Mill Playhouse. I’ve also had the pleasure of being a part of staged readings with projects in development, including It Will All Make Sense in the Morning by Erica Smith, This Profound Abyss by Jennifer Barclay, and CHRCH: A Black Music Story by Seshat Yon’Shea Walker. Most people can find out more about my life and career on my website, www.nessaamherst.com, as well as on Instagram.
One of the biggest, and most personal, projects I’m currently working on is a short play based on an original monologue I wrote back in 2022 called Define “Black,” and it has been published in an anthology called 08:46: Fresh Perspectives, which is now available to order on Amazon. This is based on my experience growing up as a black woman who wasn’t considered “black” enough by some members of the black community, especially when I was in high school, and how it’s impacted me growing up. I’m looking forward to having this short play performed in festivals and more, and it’s a new adventure for me in my career because I enjoy writing my blog posts, but writing a new play is something I’ve never thought would be possible until now. So I’m excited to see what comes next as I continue to write and edit this play!
Okay, so here’s a deep one: What did you believe about yourself as a child that you no longer believe?
As someone who grew up in an emotionally, verbally, and physically abusive household, I always believed that the bad things that happened, even if they were indirectly concerned with me were my fault. And there were a ton of things I believed were my fault, like being mentally, emotionally, and physically abused by my father and older sister, not having a good relationship with my sister, talking back to/lashing out to my teachers and the principal in first through third grade, not getting along with some classmates in elementary school, hitting others in elementary school, throwing books at several students in middle school, my drama teacher in high school giving me a hard time during my junior and senior year in high school, being put on probation my senior year in high school in the first semester due to my mom looking for work after being laid off, the head of the drama department in college telling me to come back in 50 years to talk about how hard life is, not finding a job right out of college, working with a difficult director in my second musical ever, being told to not be in this business if I’m sensitive by this director of the musical… the list goes on and on.
So many of these bad things were due to things that happened to me that I believed were my fault, even though I had nothing directly to do with them. Even when I had issues growing up, I carried a lot of the blame and punishment when I was growing up for much of my life, which led me to do things that were very uncomfortable in my life but were considered normal, like walking on eggshells, taking on more than I needed to, saying yes to everything and anything just to keep the peace, not speaking up or advocating for my needs, constantly pleasing others, etc. I did these things just to make sure I didn’t get hurt or yelled at or even shamed, let alone let others down, but at the end of the day, I was more tired and more hurt just because I expended so much of myself without giving to myself first.
It was only recently that I’ve written down these failures and bad things that made me see that I was not responsible for what happened, nor was I at fault for much of the behaviors of us. I also discovered that it’s okay to say no and take care of myself first, and that came from doing a difficult show that made me see what happened if I kept on saying yes to everything and anything, even if it was less than ideal for myself and my needs.
I’m now on this journey of learning to love myself first and put my needs first, and one of the hardest things is being okay with saying no and doing what’s right for me after saying yes to everything and anything for over 25 years. But I wouldn’t have it any other way because I’m getting the chance to truly take care of myself and fill my cup first, while also allowing myself to be led to the opportunities and projects that will truly help me shine and thrive as an artist and as a person.
If you could say one kind thing to your younger self, what would it be?
If there was one thing I could tell my younger self, it would be I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not loving you in the way you deserve to be loved now, and I’m sorry for being so hard on you and taking on so much of the pain and struggles you didn’t deserve to have in your life. I’m sorry that I had to do so much to please others when it was you who needed to be pleased and loved first, even in the smallest of ways. I’m sorry that I didn’t take care of you in the ways you needed to be taken care of, and that the people who were supposed to love you and nurture you didn’t do it in the way you needed it to be.
I’m sorry… two of the most powerful words that can help my current self love my younger self, and learn to give myself grace as I heal and take care of my younger self for the first time in over 25 years.
Next, maybe we can discuss some of your foundational philosophies and views? What are the biggest lies your industry tells itself?
This is sort of timely in the given circumstances, but I believe that one of the biggest lies that this industry tells us is that actors and artists aren’t people and they don’t deserve to have lives outside of of their careers. For many years, we’ve been working hard to make shows happen, often when we’re injured, sick, or very tired and we’re forced to push through for fear of retaliation or losing our careers by those who have clout and all the money. A performance schedule is very demanding and it takes us away from our loved ones and the valuable rest we need in order to function at our best to give as close to 100% as we can in our performances. This industry only seems to focus on the bottom line, and not on the well-being of the countless individuals who make a show happen, whether they are onstage or behind the scenes. It’s as if money matters more than the art itself, and that can really take a toll on an actor’s purpose.
No one is a robot, and no one should be pushed to the limits to make the show happen, let alone come to a show broken and about to fall apart. There needs to be changes to help reflect these times, including a more doable schedule that doesn’t push artists to the brink or even force them to perform when they have to throw up backstage or risk getting others sick with a cold or COVID, better treatment and staffing of understudies, swings, and stand-by’s to help them be prepared to go on with more rehearsals and support from the artistic team instead of having limited rehearsals for a brief period, not to mention better communication and support from all sides, and then only having one rehearsal and then going on to perform that day in the event of an emergency, and even have more staffing for those behind the scenes to help keep the show going, like stage managers and technical crew members. The systems that have been in place for so long no longer work in this day and age, and it’s time for changes. No more delays or hesitations, now is the time for change.
Another lie that this industry tells us which is also sort of timely and deeply personal to me is that understudies don’t matter and that they are second-rate to the principal actors. That couldn’t be further from the truth! Understudies played such a big role in keeping shows going during the pandemic and especially these days with big names having a break from performing once or twice a week, so why not treat them as artists and not as an afterthought or simply just acknowledging them on social media and nothing more? Actors who are understudies have a hard job – being able to match the movement, choreography, and spirit of the principal actors, while making sure they can stay true to the artistic vision of the show. While they may not be the exact same person as the principal actor, they can still put on a great show and they work their butts off to keep the show going by learning so much and doing as tough of a job as the principal actors do.
So why not treat understudies with a bit more respect and dignity than what the industry has been doing for centuries which has been stigmatized by audiences and giving them the belief that understudies are and will always be second rate? Why not give them more rehearsals before and after the show opens to the point where they are comfortable with the role and can go on in the event of an emergency, and have better communication and support from the artistic team so they can be prepared and confident in what they have to do? Or better yet, why not have understudies go on consistently, like 1-2 performances a week, so that they principal actors can have a day off to rest or spend time with their loved ones and give the understudies a chance to shine and get the performance experience they need? Why not have them receive the same billing and credits in the programs and publicity and not just get shout-outs on social media for just being there? Why not treat understudies as people, too? You cast the actors as understudies for a reason, and it shouldn’t be just to have in a “just in case” scenario.
As someone who has been an understudy four times last year, I can tell you that this is a role I take very seriously and I have long admired understudies and swings for doing a great job. It’s high time for changes that help reflect the hard work they put into what they do, and also treat them, as well as all of us actors and stage managers, as people and not robots. It is time for change to help reflect the current needs of the performance community, and staying safe and comfortable is no longer an option.
Okay, so let’s keep going with one more question that means a lot to us: What light inside you have you been dimming?
There’s one big part of me that’s been dimmed for so long, and I want to bring it out in blazing light. And it’s the chance to dream big. When I was a little girl, I had these big dreams of being onstage, becoming famous, and being able to go around the world to new places and meet all these people. Then I got abused, bullied, struggled in my mental and emotional trauma, and saw the worst of this industry that’s caused me to question who I am, what I can do, and what I should do. Even now as I’m learning to love myself first, I often find myself scared of dreaming big dreams because of how many times I’ve been knocked down and taken advantage of and found myself in less than ideal projects where I was not valued or even heard. It’s those moments where I was so unhappy, and yet, I pushed through silent because it would lead me to my next opportunity that would be better and would get me to where I needed to be. It was what was expected of me.
If I could have the chance to dream big, I would dream so big that no one could stop me. I see myself living in New York City living my dream to perform Off Broadway or even on Broadway. I see myself performing in London on the West End and enjoying strolling along the Thames and hearing Big Ben’s chimes. I see myself being able to ride in a luxurious car with the top down along the coast and breathing the fresh air. I see myself winning a Tony or even an Oscar for my performance or even writing and wearing a beautiful dress at the ceremony and feeling like Cinderella for one night. I see myself starting a charity that would help black students have the chance to study abroad without fear of high costs, racism, or even getting lost on their path to their dreams. I see myself writing a book that has a collection of stories and anecdotes about this industry from all of the individuals I’ve encountered on my creative journey as a way to encourage, educate, and humor everyone who reads it so that they can see and understand the humanity us artists go through day in and day out. I see myself in Paris walking along the Seine and seeing the Eiffel Tower and Notre Dame Cathedral. I see myself walking in a fashion show during New York Fashion Week in the latest fashions and feeling beautiful and supporting local fashion designers. I see myself having my student loans paid off and finally being able to do what I wanted to do without that weight hanging over me. I see myself falling in love and getting married to my soulmate who would love and support me in whatever I do and also stay with me in spite of the scars and darkness I’ve had. I see myself receiving flowers during curtain call and filled with so much gratitude and pride for the fantastic performance I gave. I see myself doing so many things that it would make me smile…
Dreams shouldn’t die because of the rough side of this industry, nor should that light be dimmed. They can change with time, education, and life experiences, but they never truly die. And more importantly, those dreams that you had as a kid should never leave you because they can propel you to heights you never thought possible. Are they perfect dreams? Not really. But they’re your dreams, nonetheless, and you shouldn’t stop dreaming after some problematic and traumatic experiences. Allow them to stay in your heart and grow, evolve, and inspire you to move forward. As a famous gargoyle once said: “Life’s not a spectator sport. If watching is all you’re gonna do, they you’re gonna watch your life go by without you.”
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.nessaamherst.com
- Instagram: @nessaamherst
Image Credits
DJ Corey Photography, Ryan Maxwell, Marc-Anthony, @ayo.views
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